I am a junior and I would have to honestly say my house is quite “middle-tier” as far as reputation on campus. Obviously I know there’s more to being in a fraternity than rankings, but I really want us to improve and be more known because I know we have great potential.
One of the main things I’m concerned about, and would like some help with, is our social reputation. Currently, I’d say our social schedule is very reflective of our reputation; average or in the middle. My chapter has plenty of social events, don’t get me wrong, but they need to be better and with better sororities, and a lot of my brothers feel this way.
Here are some of the problems we have with our socials/mixers:
* Sometimes not many girls show up or many of them leave early (with the exception of maybe 2 or 3 sororities we are close with).
* We don’t have any socials at all with the top sororities on our campus.
* When we do try to schedule with these houses, they end up canceling.
Knowing this, we probably have mixers with only about half of the sororities on our campus. I know it’s not likely to be close with ALL of them, but we should be able to at least hang out with them. So what I’m seeking help on is how do we get to be closer with some of the better sororities? Or what can we do so that when we schedule socials with them, they actually show up?
I know this is probably a very open ended question and there’s surely a ton of possibilities of things my house could improve on. I am very passionate about improving my house so I’m looking forward to your response.
I have two types of buddies. The first type of guy wants to be a player. He looks for whatever girl strikes his fancy at the moment (or whatever girl will give him a chance). He is a hell of a lot of fun, but I don’t really take him serious because he lacks real substance.
The second type of guy is relationship guy. He seems to have a steady girlfriend more often than not. He isn’t as wild as the player guy, but he is much more reliable and the better friend. He is held in high-esteem and most people like him.
By what you describe above, I fear you are venturing into the player category when you really want to be in the relationship category….
The problems you are having are a direct reflection of this decision.
My advice? Focus on a couple sororities and make them know they are special. Don’t focus on an imaginary status symbol of being a ‘top house’ because that doesn’t mean a damn thing. Focus on girls that you really like and that really like you.
Make it a point to attend their functions and support their initiatives. Make sure they are personally invited to yours. When they show up, make sure they realize they are appreciated and are always treated with respect. When you notice these girls in your classes, be sure to recognize them and be friendly.
As for the events – if you want them to stay you need to do two things. First, make sure the events are something they really want to do. If you don’t know what they would like to do, ask them and plan the event together. Second, make sure your brothers are gentlemen. That is a very broad term, but is extremely important. If you want to form relationships with a girl with class, you must have class yourself.
If you do these things, members of your chapter and the sorority chapter will start forming personal relationships. Ultimately, the bonds between chapters will only be as strong as these personal relationships. And that should be your goal – becoming real friends with the members of the sorority.
If you do this, you will also see your reputation improve tremendously on campus. The sororities that you mix with will start to think the world of your fraternity because you will have become real friends. They will tell their friends about you who will tell their friends. Before long every sorority will want to mix with you, but don’t be tempted. Focus on improving the relationships with the same of couple of sororities. These strong relationships will do more for your chapter than playing the field…
For more advice on this subject – here is some great advice:
Read the chapter titled “How to Become Popular with Sororities” in my book – The Fraternity Leader. A lot of the advice I give in this chapter is expounding on what is written above. However, this chapter includes 20 rules of being a gentleman which should be necessary reading for all younger brothers.
Read the chapter titled “Improving Your Chapter’s Image” in my book – The Chapter President. It seems like the problems you are describing could be much broader than just dealing with sororities. You may have a bigger image problem. I tackle this subject in this chapter.
This question was submitted by one of our readers. If you have a question you want me to answer go here to submit it: Fraternity Advice.