I have a pretty difficult situation. My E-board and I have been discussing this issue for over 3 semesters now and we’re still at a stand-still.
One of our brothers is an absolute nuisance. He doesn’t hold a position, and is a complete jerk. He’s originally from another country, but moved to the states a few years ago. Our problem is he’s a complete jerk to brothers and his personality gives off a terrible vibe. Sadly, about 95% of the chapter only accept his presence because of the basic respect for one another.
He gives our chapter a terrible reputation due to his lack of social norms. He seriously creeps out girls, always picks fights with other guys (including brothers), and is constantly doing obnoxious things to stand out for attention. Literally everybody has talked to him one on one about his undesirable actions, but there hasn’t been any progress.
l have had MULTIPLE serious conversations with him, digging down to the roots of why he acts the way he does, and I’ve tried everything possible to mentor him to act appropriate, but nothing has worked. Girls are literally terrified of him because he puts off an extremely creepy vibe, he’ll do things like grab them inappropriately or say vulgar things when he has no right to. Sadly, his reputation has gotten so bad that just about every girl knows about him, and is warned to stay away from him. I’ve personally broken up multiple fights with him involved due to him getting punched because of his actions.
Nobody respects him as a person, only as a brother. We’ve been discussing removing/”blackballing” him because nobody can stand to be around him anymore. I completely supported giving him multiple chances, and I’ve personally done everything possible to try and teach him how to adjust, but his personality only rejects it to save his ego.
I would say that about 90% of us would agree to remove him, but a few are still skeptical because they’re worried about how this kid may react. They’re worried that he’ll try and fight us, or try and sabotage us in a “if I can’t be a brother, nobody can” type way.
We’ve put him on social probation multiple times so that we wouldn’t have to “babysit” him around others, but it still hasn’t taught him a lesson.
Please, my fraternity and myself are seeking serious advice on what else we can do in this situation. He’s killing us from the inside and I’m afraid that he’ll never stop if we don’t act upon it.
I had a buddy when I was a kid. His name was Travis.
Travis and I were building a fort in the woods behind our house. We were six or seven. These woods were off limits because our folks knew that the teenagers in the area liked to smoke dope back there.
Travis ended up getting a cut on his foot. He didn’t tell his folks because he didn’t want to get in trouble for being in the woods. The foot got infected, and turned into a nasty sore. He still didn’t tell his parents. After a few weeks of suffering, he ended up screaming at the pain in the middle of the night. This is how his parents found out about his foot.
He explained the whole story, and was rushed to the emergency room. He almost lost his foot that night to the nasty infection.
That is the situation your fraternity is in right now. You have a nasty, puss-filled foot, but you are too chicken-shit to do anything about it.
Look, I get it. You want to take the brotherly high road. You took an oath to be your brother’s keeper, and that oath means something to you. You should be commended for your integrity.
However, you also took an oath to uphold the virtues and values of your great fraternity. If you let this schmuck impersonate being a brother, then you are not staying true to that oath.
Note that I say impersonate being a brother. That guy isn’t a brother if he displays the characteristics you describe. It doesn’t matter if he has been initiated or is wearing your letters. Brotherhood is about integrity and character. It isn’t about simply joining.
Have some pride in your fraternity. Take a stand that you will not let the douchebags in the world hold your fraternity hostage from achieving greatness.
In the long run, removing this cancer will obviously help your chapter, but it will also help the individual you are kicking out. Hopefully this will be a wake-up call to him that you can’t go through life acting like an asshole.
Doing the right thing isn’t always easy, but you know that. When you hold the vote to kick him out, do it with as much class and dignity as possible. You are making a decision to protect your organization. You are not holding an open forum to assault his character. Make the move quickly, and then put it behind you. Never waffle or look back. This is leadership.
Should you choose do so, your infected foot will heal, and you will run further and faster than ever before.
This question was submitted by one of our readers. If you have a question you want me to answer go here to submit it: Fraternity Advice.
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