New Members – You Are Not Up to Your Fraternity’s Standards

fraternity new members

This question was submitted by one of our readers. If you have a question you want me to answer go here to submit it: Fraternity Advice.


My fraternity initiation is on Sunday and I’m not sure if I should go through with it. I love all my brothers but I’m afraid to be honest with them. They are so open with me and willing to help and I feel I might not be up to their standards. What should I do?


The feelings you are having are more common than you think.  Being initiated into a fraternity is a big deal.  It is a life-changing choice for a college student.  It would be weird if you didn’t have cold feet.  There are two things though that I want you to realize.

First, you have achieved a lot to get to this point in your new member program.  You have had ample opportunity to quit and you decided to stick it out.  I am sure there are tons of other priorities in your life, but you chose to continue the new member process because you believe in something the fraternity has to offer.   I suggest you stick it out and experience what all your efforts have been building towards.

Second, you worry that you might not be up to the fraternity’s standards.  I hate to break it to you like this, but you are 100% right.  You are probably a clueless freshman who is really only 10 weeks out of high school.  You are not up to your fraternity’s standards.

But remember that the fraternity did not offer you a bid and welcome you into their fraternity because of who you are today.  They want you to be their brother for the man you will become.

One of the most important parts about fraternity life is you will experience growing socially and intellectually with other high quality men.  Because you are in a setting where growth and achievement are important, you will become a better man.  This is all because of your commitment to your fraternity and the men in it.

Take a cue from your soon-to-be brothers and be honest with them.  Discuss your concerns openly and honestly.  You will find that there are others who have felt the same way you do.  If you fear being open and honest with your brothers this late in your new member program, I fear you might have missed one of its most important lessons.

Finally, enjoy your experience this weekend.  Being initiated is a fantastic achievement and will be one of the most memorable experiences of your life.  Listen carefully to the words of your ritual, and do you best to live by them.

You have made a good choice by joining a fraternity.  It will make your college years and after much richer and more rewarding.  Don’t second guess your good decision.

One more thing – print this article out and put it somewhere.  4 years from now pull it out and see if what I wrote was true.  I promise you it will be…


This question was submitted by one of our readers. If you have a question you want me to answer go here to submit it: Fraternity Advice.

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