gay advisor

This question was submitted by one of our readers. If you have a question you want me to answer go here to submit it: Fraternity Advice.


We found out our Fraternity Advisor’s “wife” is really a “husband”. They’ve been “married” for a number of years and he never acknowledged this. He always had an excuse about why his “wife” couldn’t attend formal functions – now it makes sense. How should we approach this? I know it “shouldn’t matter” his sexual preference, but it is definitely going to make the chapter uneasy. Advice on the situation would be greatly appreciated. Thanks.


It is very difficult to find a good fraternity advisor.  There are an infinite number of distractions in life that push fraternity brothers away from the chapter after graduation.

From the sounds of it, you have found an alumni brother who is active and involved.  You have found a guy who generously donates his time and attends your functions.  A good chapter advisor is very difficult to find, and you should feel fortunate you have one.

But if you and your brothers aren’t careful, you will push him away.

My advice is to remember that this guy is a brother.  Above that, he is a brother who has taken the ritual to heart and has chosen to give back long after most brothers fade away.  He should be given the utmost respect by the chapter.

If the chapter chooses to question or pass judgment on his lifestyle, then you guys are going to be the ones who lose out when you lose your chapter advisor.

It seems to me that your chapter has some growing up to do.

This question was submitted by one of our readers. If you have a question you want me to answer go here to submit it: Fraternity Advice.

2 thoughts on “Gay Fraternity Advisor

  1. Tripp – I appreciate your comment. It makes sense that if brothers have an issue (either graduate or undergraduate brothers), that they should talk about it. However, I see this chapter making an issue where there really isn’t one. Hopefully the original person who posted the question will post an update to let us know how this one turns out. I am very curious.

  2. That the advisor for years has kept his personal “issue” secret is evidence that he does not want to make an issue of it. You may get a select few brothers who have heard the rumors, and talk privately with him about how wants the issue talked about if a brother asks. A talk on a professional level, not a personal one, will help you and he find a way to handle it properly. Since he is in a long term relationship, he can help keep things under control if the issue becomes public. In fraternity issues, especially this one, rumors can be deadly, so confronting it ahead of time. Hopefully, these days, it will not be that much of a problem. If you have a national organization, ask them, as I’m sure it has come up before to them.

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