fraternity dog

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Should Our Fraternity Get a Dog?


Not only no, but HELL NO.  This is a very, very bad idea for the following reasons:

1)      It is cruel to the dog.  You fraternity house is dirty, I’ve been there.  That isn’t a proper environment for a dog.

2)      Dogs are expensive.  Shots, food, vet visits, treats and grooming cost between $100 and $200 a month.  Also, you will have bigger expenses like getting the dog fixed.  If you don’t do those things, you are treating the dog like crap.  This is an expense the fraternity cannot afford.

3)      Dogs need exercise.  They need to be walked.  This will turn into an annoying chore for the brothers after about 2 days.

4)      Dogs crap – a lot.  Your backyard will become a mine field.  You will no longer be able to use it for parties.  If you don’t have a backyard, then you will have to walk to the dog so he can crap.  And trust me, it isn’t a lot of fun walking a dog at 6am when it is 20 degrees outside because he needs to go.

5)      Dogs don’t go home for the summer, spring break or Christmas break.  Who is going to be responsible for the dog during these times?

6)      Dogs are destructive.  Dogs chew stuff, pee on stuff and knock things over.  You probably have enough guys in your fraternity who do those same things.  You don’t need one more.

7)      Dogs shed.  Like I said earlier, your house is nasty.  Do you really want to add dog hair to the nastiness?

8)      It is illegal and immoral to give a dog beer.  And trust me, some idiot who deserves to get his ass kicked will do it.

9)      You don’t have time to spend with the dog.  Dogs need companionship.  Fraternity men lead busy lives.  They simply don’t have the time to spend with a dog while in school.

10)   The idea of shared responsibility won’t work.  Look at your chapter operations now.  Is the work spread out equally among all the brothers?  Of course not.  The same will happen with the dog.  One guy will end up doing all the work.  This isn’t fair to him or the dog.

If you read the above reasons, you probably think I am not a dog lover.  In fact, it is quite the opposite.  I have two dogs that are awesome.  Because of that, I realize the commitment and expense it takes.

It is much better for all involved for your fraternity to not get a dog.

This question was submitted by one of our readers. If you have a question you want me to answer go here to submit it: Fraternity Advice.

11 thoughts on “10 Reasons Your Fraternity Should NOT Get a Dog

  1. Hahaha. Deployment dogs. I can completely see that. It also explains why they are Lhasapoos.

    While I don’t think it’s so bad to have a dog around the fraternity house (so long as you’re responsible about it), I do not recommend running a puppy rental service fundraiser to help lame guys get girls.

  2. Don’t knock my sissy dogs. My boy Hank treed a possum once. That was pretty awesome. Ollie caught and ate a bird about a year ago. That was pretty impressive.

    Funny story about the dogs. Before I deployed the first time my wife bought dog #1 to keep her company.

    Then came deployment #2. She wanted another dog. So I got her another dog.

    I had to get out the the military or I’d be running a pound!

    (ps – It takes real man to be proud of Lhasapoos)

    (ps #2 – I can’t believe I spend $80 a month on dog grooming. What the hell is wrong with me???)

  3. Okay, well see there’s your problem. I absolutely do not recommend sissy dogs in a fraternity house. More on grooming per month than food? This is not “Legally Blonde 4: Frathound to the rescue.” j/k

    I’m in Texas. I grew up with dogs, hunting, and being on the water. I always tell people I need to get out on the water every few months or I’ll go completely bonkers. I’m used to having dogs around. When everything’s going wrong, your dog is still there beside you loyal as ever just begging to get petted. In my worst times in life, I’ve needed that to keep me sane.

    I sympathize with guys off at school who need that in their lives and don’t have access to it. A lot of guys in my chapter move out to houses or duplexes as soon as they can so they can get a dog. If I want them to live in a big house, and I don’t want 10 dogs living there too, then I have to make some compromises – like having one house dog. But, of course, one person has to take year round responsibility. That goes without saying.

    And this tribute is pretty nice too:

    Also, I’d like to point out that girls love puppies.

  4. Look Dennis – I have two sissy dogs (lhasapoos – kinda like cotton balls with legs) – I know what I’m talking about.

    Food and treats cost me about 60 bones a month. Getting them groomed costs 80 a month. Flea medicine is like 20 a month. And every time I have to take them to the vet it is like 100 or 200 a pop every couple months. They are expensive. Of course, my expense are for two but combined they are only about 40 lbs.

    You are right that if one person owned the dog, then it might be doable. However, joint responsibility will never work.

    I just don’t think the average college guy wants to strap himself with a dog. It is an unnecessary responsibility to have while in school.

  5. I mean, I get it, but come on. I’m a dog person. I appreciate that having a dog around can really help keep people sane and relaxed so they can focus on what’s important. And, I don’t think I’ve ever spent 200/mo on a dog – are you feeding them steak? That’s not much less than I spent on groceries for myself per month in college.

    The whole reason you see house dogs is a compromise because residents aren’t allowed to have pets. It does depend what you have to work with for a house/yard and how well you maintain it – not all houses are sub-crack-house condition. I think it can be a good thing, but it really has to be someone’s dog. One person has to take responsibility for it all the time. I’ve seen this work great when it’s a house mom’s dog & it can work okay when it belongs to one guy.

    Just don’t be stupid and mistreat an animal.

    • I agree with the main points in this article. I’m President of a local at a smaller liberal arts college, entering my senior year. I think back to a party I went to at another fraternity second semester of my freshman year. (I didn’t pledge mine until I was a sophomore) A senior buddy of mine happened to be a member of that house. His parents had gone to of poodle mix. Realthe Caribbean for a week and thought it was wise for Josh to look after fiedo for the week. She was some kind of poodle mix. Real goofy looking. The Well Saturday night came and the fraternity was proud as hell to be hosting one of their biggest bashes of the spring semester, their annual Toga party.

      I remember showing up to the house that night with my roommate and one of our bros. When we got in the house everything looked fairly normal; music bumping, pong balls bouncing, and hot girls parading around in skimpy bed sheets. But out of the corner of my eye I saw Josh and one of his brothers standing in the corner with a million gorgeous aphrodities sitting around smiling and giggling. I mean Josh was a real ladies man. But I’m talking like 15 girls. I walked over to investigate. The girls were down on the ground petting and chatting away at “how cute Josh’s puppy was,” etc. Josh was already my idol, captain of a varsity team, chapter VP, beruit champion, and now this dog dressed in a pillow case and grapeleaves was about to get him laid. So, having a house dog is a good idea right?…Wrong!

      The night went on, by around midnight I’d progressed to the basement, downing solo cups from the bar and getting my grind on with the ladies. Around 2 I took a trip upstairs to take a leak. As I neared the top of the beer soaked staircase I could hear a lot of screaming comming from the kitchen. Some dude next to me yelled out “wtf, who shit their pants?” That’s when I looked straight ahead and saw Josh’s dog squatting by the pong table taking a nice big shit all over the floor. Probably too much beer and frozen pizza. Someone grabbed the dog to bring him outside and the dog ended up going again all over his legs. Didn’t take long for the house to empty out that night! That drink some drunk girl spilled on your leg? Yeah that was probably the dog’s urine.

      Josh didn’t end up getting lucky afterall. Unless that’s what yo call mopping up some pooch’a diaheria. Yeah my fraternity is never getting a dog. Period. We’ve already got our share of messes to clean.

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