Rush and Pledging Problems

square peg round hole fraternity

I have participated in rush twice for the last two years and I still haven’t got a bid. I am bitterly disappointed and I am on the brink if giving up.  I’m not even sure I should try rushing again. Why is it so hard to get a bid?


Rush is hard for some guys. If you are not an extrovert, it is easy to get lost in the shuffle during rush. If you are rushing a fraternity that isn’t a good fit, then you probably wasted your time and will not get a bid.

That is the #1 secret – you must find a fraternity where you fit in. You need to have a connection with the guys. Sometimes that isn’t with the biggest house on campus, or the most popular. That group of guys is out there – you just need to find them.

I get this question a lot – especially this time of year. Guys are totally clueless on how to rush. Since this is a common problem, I wrote a short book explaining how I would go through the rush process if I were in your shoes. It is a quick read, and available on Kindle as well as in paperback. The title is How to Join a Fraternity. It will definitely help you in this situation.


I am a freshman and was dropped from pledgeship after 3 weeks during the fall semester. They did not tell me why I was dropped. I am rushing again in the spring semester. Should I mention to the guys at rush that I was dropped or that I quit. Will they find out? Should I be embarrassed? 


First off, I hope you aren’t rushing the same fraternity. When guys do that it makes me cringe because it never works out. Never go back to a chapter that has already decided they don’t want you.

About getting booted – I know it hurts to not get accepted – but those guys did you a favor. They thought you were a bad fit. You don’t want to spend your college career with guys that don’t really want you to be around. There is nothing at all to be ashamed of. It simply didn’t work out.

I find no reason you have to share this information with anyone if you don’t want to. It’s none of their business. If they ask, you can tell them you did rush, but it didn’t work out. They don’t have to know the details.

Like I advised above, make it a priority to find a place where you fit in. Don’t try to be the square peg trying to get jammed in the round hole. If you find a chapter where you genuinely become friends with the brothers, then your chances of having an enjoyable fraternity experience goes way up.


I’m about to enter my junior year of college and I’m really interested in joining a social fraternity. My freshman year I pledged  a professional business fraternity so I understand kind of how pledging and rushing works. I was wondering whether this is considered too late? Are older pledges undesirable? What advice can you give for an older rushee?


It is never too late. My best friend in my fraternity pledged when he was a junior. It was great. As an older upperclassman he had certain ‘privileges’ that made life for his freshman pledge brothers a lot better.  He also was able to help the pledge class adjust to college life because he had been through it already.

He also was desirable for the brothers because he was more mature and knew what he was getting into. They didn’t have to worry about him flaking out as much during the pledge period because of his maturity.

To answer your question – it is never too late. The best fraternity brother I know pledged as a senior. He was only an undergrad brother for a year, but he has since given years of service to the fraternity as an alum.

Good Luck.

This question was submitted by one of our readers. If you have a question you want me to answer go here to submit it: Fraternity Advice.

To learn more, check out our most in-depth article on fraternity recruitment: The Complete Guide to Fraternity Recruitment.

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