getting dumped fraternity

I want to drop the fraternity I am pledging but I don’t want to make 100+ enemies on campus. I actually really like a few of the guys in the fraternity but overall it’s not a great fit for me. How do I drop without making the entire fraternity hate me?

Answer:


The longer you drag it out – the more enemies you will make.

Think about it like this – let’s say you were dating a girl who wasn’t that into you.  But she kept leading you on for months because she couldn’t figure out an easy way to dump you.  During these couple months, you have wasted a ton of time, money and energy on this girl.  Wouldn’t it have been better if she would have cut ties months ago instead of wasting your time?

This is the same situation.  We all find ourselves in need of change in our lives from time to time.  When that time comes, and you are confident it is the right move, make the move immediately and honestly.  Once you quit, don’t dwell on it.  Move on.  This is how you will keep the respect of the guys in the fraternity.

Question: 

It is only a few weeks out from initiation, and I really don’t feel that comfortable with my fraternity.  Would it be OK to drop at this point?

Answer:

Read above….

Question: 

I have recently had two members that have been placed on suspension. The one for not attending events/not paying dues seems like he is completely disinterested in the fraternity. The other is a pledge brother of mine that made his own choice to focus on grades for the semester. As you all know composite photos are coming around soon. Our constitution does not reference suspensions and composites, what is your advice when it comes to this situation? Should we allow them to be photographed or not? Keep in mind that getting a quote on the composite is also time sensitive. 

Answer: 

As of today, you have to let them be in the composite.  They are brothers of your chapter and there is nothing in your constitution that says states this punishment.

As president of your chapter, the last thing you should do is try to make up the rules as you go.  Your responsibility is to interpret and enforce them, not create them.

However, this sounds like a sound rule and I would whole-heartedly support putting into your constitution.  Whatever that process is should be followed to get it added for next year.

With all this being said, you have a bigger problem than two guys in a composite.  You have one guy who doesn’t care about the fraternity, and one guy who thinks it holds him back from his academics.  If the first guy doesn’t care about the fraternity, but him loose.  You don’t need brothers like that.  For the second guy, you need to examine that situation.  If your fraternity hurts your membership academically, you may want to rethink how your chapter does things.

Question: 

I am a brother of a chapter of around 90. We are top 3 in grades on campus, top in charity and philanthropy, and we have good social functions. The only thing holding us back from being the top house at our university is the fact we do not have a house. We have done well without a house the past few years making an icon of ourselves by it, but with new fraternity chapters coming to our campus without houses, it may become hard for us to separate ourselves from the other fraternities. How would you suggest we go about getting ourselves a house?

Answer:

As undergrads, you will not be able to orchestrate buying a house.  You probably won’t be able to secure funding, and you definitely won’t be able to secure a loan.  This is one of the benefits a strong alumni base provides.

However, you do have two options.  First, you can rent a private house off-campus.  This is obviously tricky as not many people want to rent to a fraternity.  However, it isn’t impossible to find a house and a lot of chapters do this every year.

Second, you can apply for on-campus Greek housing.  You will have to go to your university housing office to figure out that process as every school is different.

I suggest you find a house to rent off campus.  That is the easiest barrier to overcome and you will learn a lot about what you need in a chapter house.  And in the mean-time, have a fundraiser to start a housing fund.  The first dollar saved is always the hardest.

Question:

If I am a part of a colony on campus and I transfer before it becomes a charter, can I join that same fraternity at the school I am transferring to without having to pledge?

Answer: 

If you become initiated into the fraternity, then you are a brother for life.  When you are initiated, you are initiated into the fraternity, not an individual chapter or colony.  So yes, you would be able to transfer to a new school and keep your status as a brother.

This question was submitted by one of our readers. If you have a question you want me to answer go here to submit it: Fraternity Advice.






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