My freshman year, I went through formal rush. I got a bid from 2 fraternities. I was really good friends with a guy from one fraternity, and I felt we were a lot alike so I ended up choosing his. I actually loved it!
However, I was very awkward and reserved as a freshman, and ended up getting cut because they were afraid I just wasn’t connecting enough with my pledge class. At the time, they told me to rush again in the future and to be a leader of that pledge class.
Honestly, most of my friends are girls, but that’s one reason I want to be a member of a fraternity – for the brotherhood and to know that there are actually other guys out there who have my back. Spring semester, I actually went to an interest meeting for the second fraternity I got a bid from, but ended up not going through with it because I just felt I fit in more with the first fraternity.
Now, I’m going into my junior year (however as a pharmacy major, I’m still going to be in school for many more years), and I feel I’m not the same person I was my freshman year. I’m actively on involved on campus, keep my grades up, and am a new Student Government Officer! I get along great with many of the guys in that first fraternity!
Actually some of them have talked to me about rushing this coming fall, though I’m not sure if they’re aware of my history with the fraternity. However, my two best friends – both officers in the fraternity – have yet to talk to me about rush or recruitment. I’m nervous to bring it up to them. There’s honestly nothing I want more than to be a member of this fraternity. Do you have any advice for me?
Unfortunately, this is a problem that I hear about a lot. Most commonly it is about a guy who rushes a fraternity, and doesn’t get a bid. However, for some reason he feels that he can prove his worth in the future and decides to rush the same fraternity.
The problem here is that the fraternity doesn’t want him, and he ends up wasting precious semesters fighting a battle he cannot win.
Your situation is similar. Do yourself a favor and forget about the first group of guys. It didn’t work out. If they booted you from the pledge program, which is an extremely strong statement. They had a lot of conviction saying that you were not a good fit.
Furthermore, you should not want to join that fraternity. It seems like you have a lot going for you. If you are in the pharmacy program you must be pretty smart. Being on Student Government shows you have leadership ability. If those guys cannot see that, then the hell with them. You deserve better.
My suggestion is for you to go through rush with a fresh perspective. Check out my book – How to Join a Fraternity – to get ideas on how to make sure you find the right fraternity for you.
And whatever you do, do not settle for a chapter just because you want to join a fraternity. Make sure that you have a strong connection to the guys, and that they have a strong connection with you. While it is pretty crappy not being in a fraternity, it is not nearly as bad as being in a fraternity where you aren’t happy.
This question was submitted by one of our readers. If you have a question you want me to answer go here to submit it: Fraternity Advice.
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