Question:

About 10 years ago, our charter was revoked and we were officially removed from campus.  However, we continued to function as an off-campus sort of Fraternity. This was without the blessing of nationals and was certainly condemned by administration.

From our initial year until this spring most of our pledge classes were at best mixed; there would be some good guys in each class but they were overall subpar. However, our spring recruiting class this year was outstanding. While I am a member of this pledge class I am probably biased but the majority of older brothers agree with this statement.

Next year we will be returning to campus after our hiatus. This has generated a lot of excitement among our alumni and we have seen a large uptick in donations, which means we will have a large amount of money to dedicate to rush events and our social calendar. However, my question is about recruitment.

How can we sell my pledge class and a few select members of the other pledge classes without seeming like we are undermining brotherhood? How can we show our best without the negative effect of excluding the kids who aren’t up to par? After all, even though they may not be the best guys (most are rather awkward, don’t look like true fraternity men, and aren’t leaders) they are still my brothers.
Your advice in this matter will be greatly appreciated.

Answer:

Not every guy in the fraternity is going to be a rock star.  In the same regard, there is not a secret formula for the perfect fraternity man.  They come in all shapes and sizes.

I get your hesitation though.  You worry that a few of your brothers will be seen as undesirables and that will hurt you during fraternity recruitment.  You are worried about your image, because you believe that your image is what is going to capture the imagination of perspective new members.

First though, you have to realize that your pledge class doesn’t matter anymore.  There is nothing to sell there.  You are now a member of the fraternity – not a pledge.  Your job is to sell the entire brotherhood, not just a select group of guys.  Now that you are a brother, you have to change your mindset.

My advice?  If they are your brothers then act like it.  Your brothers are your brothers and you should always be proud of that fact.  Brotherhood is not something when it is just convenient.

If you act this way then two things will happen.  First, the guys rushing your chapter will see how you treat all your brothers, and they will think the undesirables are all right because of how you treat them.  They will think if the cool brothers like them, then those guys are probably all right.

Second, the guys in question will probably grow a little bit.  They will feed off how the brothers treat them, and they will probably stick their chests out a little further with pride.  A little confidence can go a long way, and it will probably score a few cool points for these brothers.

Again, I get your concern about image.  But let’s be honest – you don’t have any other way to approach the subject outside kicking these guys out of the fraternity.  The very worst thing you can do is talk junk about these brothers to outsiders.  Doing so will make you look petty an arrogant.  Comparing brothers or pledge classes classifies as talking junk.  No one wants to join a fraternity where the brothers talk about each other behind their back.

Let me ask you which fraternity is more desirable:

Is it the one where all the brothers are cookie cutter cool guys or is it the one where all the brothers genuinely like each other and treat each other well?  I promise you the 2^nd fraternity will have more success in recruitment and also be a better fraternity because they will understand what it is all about.

Be a model brother who treats everyone in the fraternity well.  It will make for a much better fraternity experience for you.  You will be seen as a leader in the eyes of your brothers.  It is also the surest way to success for your chapter.

This question was submitted by one of our readers. If you have a question you want me to answer go here to submit it: Fraternity Advice.

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Great article that describes how fraternities should keep their private discussion private – just like Augusta National.

Princeton Freshman who Rush Frats Face Suspension – Huffington Post

A very negative article describing how Ivy League schools are forcing freshmen to defer rush until their sophomore years.

Fraternity and Freedom – Fraternal Thoughts

Very insightful article regarding the self-government of fraternities.  Is defiance a part of your DNA?

To End Fraternity Hazing, End Boozing First – The Chronicle

The author obviously has an agenda (he is a lawyer that represented a kid who got hazed) and is jaded about fraternity life because of it.  The comments about the article are very interesting….

Mentoring – A to Z – Xylograph – Catalyzing Leaders

While the theme was a stretch, the article actually makes a great point.  You can’t un-do bad mentoring – it will always be part of the person who you mentor.

Leadership vs Friendship – Purpose Driven Relection

Can you be an effective leader and still a close friend?  I think after reading this article you will agree that the effective leader is actually a better friend.

If you have any articles you would like to share – please let me know about them — Contact Me.

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Question:

My fraternity recently went under membership review and went from a 50+ man chapter to a 9 man chapter. We are on recruitment suspension until Spring 2013. I want some advice on how to manage a small chapter, dealing with “former” brothers, and how do I manage my loyalties with the new chapter and the former relationships I had with the “former” brothers.

I’m going to break down my response to address each of your three questions. I think it’s helpful to compartmentalize them in order to keep a better focus.

Managing a Small Chapter:

-          Small chapters do present a unique set of issues. There are just as many reports, events, and work in a small chapter as any other. The real difference is that now there are fewer people to shoulder the load. Managing a small chapter requires a significant amount of patience. You know that you are asking a lot of your membership with each and every aspect of your chapter’s operations. Your officers cannot zero in one their projects like in larger chapters and may need more time and understanding as the juggle more in-house responsibilities. You have to keep in constant contact and do everything you can to avoid the “it’s not my job” reactions. With 9 people, you don’t have the luxury of passing the buck. As such, you will want to tap into any alumni help that you can. Given the membership review, you may have a divided alumni base and will need to be very intentional about who you seek out.

Dealing with Former Brothers:

-          It may not always be from such a large and significant issue as a membership review, but this is also a normal problem. Brothers quit or are asked to leave and can create some awful situations. In your case, there is no easy way and there is no silver bullet. I’m sorry, but that is the truth.  You cannot forget that there had to be a reason that 40+ of your brothers were asked to leave the chapter. Whatever their actions were, they were not in the best interest of your chapter. It is never easy to balance the relationships with former brothers, much the same way it is difficult to manage relationships with former co-workers. You have the separate the issues at hand. Are they still worth your time to associate with? Are they still that important of a part of your life? Will your continued association with them help or hurt your chapter? You have to decide if the turbulence a relationship causes is worth maintaining. Stay on the high road, but make sure that you act in the best interest of the chapter and ensure that you are not being unwittingly brought down by your association with them. You may have to steer clear entirely. Only you can decide that for yourself on a person by person basis.

Managing your Loyalties

-          When you pledge and join a fraternity, you take on a great responsibility. Every Fraternity has an oath or a pledge that is sworn. When it comes to managing your loyalties, you have to keep this oath in mind. At all times and in every way you need to live up to that oath. Your loyalties are with your Fraternity. Just like the previous portion of my response, you have to act in the best interest of you personally and in the best interest of your chapter. The 9 of you that remain are apparently the only ones that have lived up to your oath. In my opinion, your loyalties are with them.

This question was submitted by one of our readers. If you have a question you want me to answer go here to submit it: Fraternity Advice.

This answer was written by Joe Russo, an alumni brother from Phi Delta Theta and contributor for the thefraternityadvisor.com. If you are interested in writing for thefraternityadvisor.com – let us know (CLICK HERE)!

Question:

My fraternity has many people who smoke weed. The problem is that it can be detrimental to academics and distract others from work. While smoking is illegal, no one is going to evict a brother for smoking. We have a policy that after 11 PM, people can smoke in their rooms if they towel the door, etc. While you cannot smoke inside the house during the day, you can smoke outside still. There has been problems with the smell in the past and general public relations regarding smoking. We are also working on changing the culture of the fraternity to involve more academics and potentially less smoking. One can always party, even after doing school work.

Answer:

I’m not the politically correct guy that’s going to quote rules to you when I know that’s not reality. I think it’s unconstitutional for the drinking age to be 21. I think hazing is worse because we criminalize wearing the same outfit and doing some grunt work alongside beating someone with broomsticks till they pass out, rather than keeping the constructive training techniques in the open where they can be monitored. And, as trashy as I think marijuana is, I really wouldn’t care one way or the other if it were legalized for recreational use. BUT, all those things are illegal and the consequences of getting caught are catastrophic.

Let me just show you what that looks like:

http://www.dailygamecock.com/index.php?option=com_k2&view=item&id=3962:alpha-tau-omega-shut-down-on-drug-charges

http://www.seacoastonline.com/articles/20111108-NEWS-111080398

http://dfw.cbslocal.com/2012/02/15/multiple-tcu-students-arrested-in-campus-drug-bust/

http://nymag.com/news/features/70308/

http://www.fox19.com/story/17361118/fraternity-loses-its-charter-at-local-university

I’m not going to, but I could talk some details about those first couple cases because they involve my national fraternity. I could explain how those chapters were caught up in a witch hunts. How it was really a few individuals doing stupid stuff and far overblown, but they made two big mistakes. They tolerated their brothers doing that; and, they gave authorities an in to take them down.

I’ll be the first to argue that fraternities should not be held responsible for the individual acts of a member unless they are on our property, at our event, or acting in their authorized capacity as an officer or member of our organization. They should face criminal and disciplinary action on their own and not drag our organization down with them. Schools, in an inability to control individual students, way too often pass the buck to us like we can do something more than they can. That’s cowardly on their part and hurts us in the process.

That said, when it’s on your property you’re liable for it. If they’re paying rent with money they earn from selling dope on the side then the state can seize your house – and you’re still stuck with the mortgage. If they’re just smoking on the grounds or at your event, then you deserve to lose your charter. If you know about it and you don’t stop them, then it’s your fault. That’s called bystander intervention, or lack of it in this case.

There are a lot of resources out there on bystander intervention. You can work with your nationals and Greek life office to develop programming on that issue without telling them why. There are some great speakers out there that it sounds like your Greek system could benefit from too. One way or another, you need to install that culture in your chapter and quick or it’s a matter of time before you’re done.

You got to be kidding me with towel under the door and smoking outside (where presumably it’s possible someone could see/report them). You actually have a rule for when people are allowed to smoke versus not. That’s worse than being ignorant.

I would hope you do a better job of taking guys that don’t contribute to this culture, but at the end of the day what people do on their own time in the privacy of their own home is not necessarily your business until they make you look bad. But, in your house? Absolutely positively not! You have to stop that decisively and immediately.

I dealt with this as an undergrad and a few times at different chapters as an advisor. It honestly is one of the hardest cultures to break, but you have to do it. The consequences are just too high. I think you could just about kill someone on video and the consequences to the long-term survival of the chapter would not be as severe, though please don’t test that theory.

As an advisor, honestly, my solution would be membership review. At minimum, I’d kick out the worst offenders to make a point. If need be, I’d clean house as I have to and start over. I’d rather have no members and a charter than keep people that are going to continue a culture that seriously endangers it.

You need to do some soul searching about how invasive this culture is. It sounds deeply seated. If you got exec to stand up to the chapter and say no more (in the house, at events, with letters on, or in any situation where someone would associate you with the fraternity) would the chapter comply or not? If not then you need help from your advisors &/or nationals to cut deeper. I know it sounds painful, and it is, but it’s a little pain now or catastrophic charter loss and maybe never coming back if you keep trying to dodge the bullet. You have to show some personal courage in standing up to your friends and doing something unpopular. That’s one of the hardest things you’ll ever do in life. Standing up to that challenge says something about you. Letting it go by says something too, and that’s not who you want to be in life.

Good luck. Keep us updated on how it goes.

– This answer was written by Dennis Nall, an alumni brother from Alpha Tau Omega and contributor for the thefraternityadvisor.com. If you are interested in writing for thefraternityadvisor.com – let us know (CLICK HERE)!

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Question:

I am a Brother in a relatively small (compared to other chapters on campus) fraternity. I’m sure you can relate since you built your fraternity from the ground up.

Answer:

If you really diagnose your problem, you will probably find that the problem is with the health of the fraternity.  The issues you are having with recruiting are just a by-product of these issues.

You said it yourself, your fraternity has become more of a business than a brotherhood.  While running a fraternity like a business is incredibly important, without the brotherhood it really doesn’t matter.

Here are 6 things I’d do right now to get out of your rut:

1) Have a retreat to discuss what the fraternity really wants to do.  This doesn’t have to be a hold-your-hands around a campfire affair.  It can simply be an afternoon set aside where the brothers talk about what they want to do.  Find a few ideas that the brothers are really excited about, and then focus on them. The excitement and anticipation of these plans will motivate the entire chapter.

2) Be the start of the solution.  If your fraternity isn’t healthy, then the brothers probably aren’t having much fun together.  You can change that.  When you do something fun, invite a brother to go along with you.  When you go to dinner, invite another brother to go.  When you are taking your girlfriend to the movies, invite another brother to bring his and make it a double date.  The point here is you need to develop these friendships and not take them for granted.  Eventually other brothers will see what you are doing and start doing the same thing.  Before long you’ll have a chapter that does things together and is close because of it.

3) Eliminate the suck.  If things suck – don’t do them.  If you are doing things that the brotherhood hates, that will drain their energy and get your fraternity in a rut.  If your fraternity hates soccer, then don’t force guys to make an intramural team.  If you fraternity doesn’t like community service project X, then do community service project Y that is a lot more fun.  Don’t make fraternity a drag.  When you do the brothers will stop coming around.

4) Learn to recruit!  If you aren’t even getting guys to come to your events it seems pretty obvious that you don’t really know what you are doing.  Some good resources are fraternity recruitment and 5 Fraternity Recruitment Tips for any Chapter.  Also, don’t forget my book The Fraternity Leader where I lay out a complete recruitment program which explains everything you need to know to be successful during rush.

5) Clean House.  It is hard to get rid of your dead weight in your fraternity.  However, if your fraternity refuses to grow, it is probably because there are some guys holding you back.  It could be the brother who never pays his dues or the brother who is an embarrassment at fraternity functions.  Remove these cancers from your fraternity and you will be better for it.  Sometimes you have to take one step back to take two steps forward.

6) You, as a leader, need to embrace the struggle.  I know things are challenging now.  I know you can’t imagine the days when your fraternity is tops on campus.  You can get there though if you embrace the challenge with a superior attitude.  Be positive, and cherish this opportunity you have.  You are going to turn a crap fraternity into a great one.

Learn what you need to do to make your fraternity better.  Try new things, make mistakes.  GROW!  I promise you it will be an adventure you cherish forever.  This tremendous opportunity will serve you well your entire life.

This question was submitted by one of our readers. If you have a question you want me to answer go here to submit it: Fraternity Advice.

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Question:

When our Fraternity books their formal they book it under a false name because it seems that once every hotel finds out we are a Fraternity they want nothing to do with us anymore. Obviously this sucks but looking at our ritual and the things we say we stand for this goes completely against it. I just want to know if this is something that is just sort of a necessary evil or if compatible how should it be approached.

I wonder what has been happening either with your fraternity or other fraternities in the area that hotels or reception facilities are this leery of having you in their establishment. Does Greek Life in your area have a terrible reputation? What other fraternities or sororities have ruined it for you? Most of this is completely out of your control, but figuring that out will help you empathize with the hotel or reception center. Why wouldn’t they be concerned if another Greek organization wrecked the place or got out of control?

The best way to help your cause is to do be as honest and matter of fact with the place you are booking. Don’t use a false name or hide what you are doing. They will find out and they will feel lied to. All this will do is anger the hotel and immediately kill your credibility with management. Even if there is a minor issue, it will become a major one because you have already tried to deceive them.

Do yourself a favor and call ahead to make an appointment to talk to someone in person. It is easier to go out of your way a bit to talk face to face and address whatever issues may arise and to hammer out any details that you can ahead of time. It also helps establish a relationship of trust. When you meet this person, or even if you have to only talk on the phone, do so professionally. Don’t show up in jeans and a T-shirt or talk to them on your cell phone while you are running errands. For the hotel, this is a business deal. You need to treat it the exact same way.

With your membership, do whatever you gave to do to ensure your members act like gentleman and their dates are on their best behavior. You are GUESTS in their hotel or their reception hall. You don’t have to be there and if you screw it up, you won’t be able to ever come back. It should be crystal clear what your expectations are prior to going to your event. If something does come up, handle it accordingly. You may even have to ask a brother to leave. You may have to use your judicial process just like any other issue in your chapter.

My direct answer is to not hide who you are. Own it and prove to wherever you are booking that your chapter can be trusted. Build that relationship and you will have a cooperative and appreciative staff to work with you and your chapter. Indirectly, do what you need to do to ensure this trust is established and maintained. You will be better off for it.

This answer was written by Joe Russo, an alumni brother from Phi Delta Theta and contributor for the thefraternityadvisor.com. If you are interested in writing for thefraternityadvisor.com – let us know (CLICK HERE)!

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Question:

Hi there! I am trying to find a new way to revamp my recruitment at Southeast Missouri State. I really want to get every potential new member to meet each chapter without stepping out of the 365 day recruitment process. Any thoughts?

I assume you are an IFC officer or Greek Advisor by the way your question was asked.  I’ll be honest with you, I think trying to get each potential new member to meet each chapter is a very bad idea.

Fraternities are life-long membership organizations that are based on friendships.  That isn’t a decision that should be made without a thorough understanding of the fraternity you are joining.

It is impossible to know a chapter well enough if you are spending all your time getting introduced to the 10, 20 or even 30 fraternities on campus.

My suggestion for potential new members is to do their homework and find 3 or 4 fraternities where they think they’ll fit in.  Rush those guys and be sure you know enough about them to make an informed decision.   My suggestion for brothers is to recruit smarter.  Some good resources are 5 Ways Your Fraternity Can Kill It During Recruitment and Fraternity Recruitment Made Easy (a chapter in my book The Fraternity Leader).

Question:

If someone was initiated into an NIC fraternity (let’s say Delta Upsilon) and was then kicked out during a Chapter review/reorganization can he join a non-NIC fraternity?

Answer:

As long as you were never initiated into NIC fraternity, you are welcome to join another.  If you were initiated, you would have to get a release from your current fraternity to join another one.  Every fraternity has a different process for that.

However, you pose an interesting question about joining a non-NIC fraternity.  The NIC is the one who put that policy in place that all member fraternities agree to abide by.  I guess if the fraternity in not a member of the NIC – then there are no rules to abide by.  That being said, I would be very cautious about joining a non-NIC fraternity.

Question:

I recently transferred schools and was a part of a frat at my old school. The new school I am at has the same frat and I have been over to the house and tried to become a part of it. I can tell that I will not fully be a brother there. The have told me several times that they will vote on me weather I can join or not but after one semester they still haven’t voted. The guys are completely different from my brothers at my old frat and I don’t really like them. Can I join a new frat or am I with my original one.

Answer:

Once you are initiated into your fraternity, you are a brother – period.  The chapter at your new school does not get a vote on whether or not to accept you.  You are already a brother.

I will assume you have made every attempt to assimilate into the new chapter.  While they should welcome you into the chapter, you should do everything possible to meet them half-way.

That being said, those guys sound like jerks.  I wouldn’t want to be part of their chapter regardless.  It says a hell of a lot about a group of guys who don’t welcome their fraternity brother with open arms.  My bet is that this is a chapter with a lot of issues that you don’t want to be a part of.

I would send an email to your fraternity’s executive director and explain the issue.  Realize though if you are doing that you are essentially burning a bridge with the chapter.  If you see no way that you will be a part of that chapter, I would request my release from the national headquarters.

Question: 

I’m trying to open a bank account for my fraternity. I was wondering what is the process of opening a bank account for a non-national fraternity. What type of bank account do I open?

Answer:

Your association with a national fraternity does not make a difference to the bank.  My suggestion is to visit (or email) a few banks and explain your situation.  Let them tell you what you need.

I would make sure the checking account you set up has low or no fees.  Also, you want all checks to require two signatures.  Free online banking would be nice as well.  To learn more about my thoughts on fraternity finance, check out Fraternity Treasurer Responsibilities.

Question:

I disaffiliated from my fraternity last semester but I am thinking I made the wrong choice. Could I re-join that same fraternity?

Answer:

Technically I am sure you could if they would accept you.  However, before you go crawling back, think about this:

How many times have you seen your buddies break up with a girl because he couldn’t stand her, only to go crawling back a few weeks later?  The time apart made him forget why he broke up with her in the first place.  However, when they were back together and the brief honeymoon period wore off, they were back at each-others throats only to break up again for the same reason they broke up the first time….

The point?  Be sure you that you aren’t crawling back to an old girlfriend because you are lost or lonely.  If she wasn’t right before, she won’t be right in the future.  The same flaws will come up again if you are accepted back in the fraternity.  Are you prepared to deal with them this second time around?

This question was submitted by one of our readers. If you have a question you want me to answer go here to submit it: Fraternity Advice.

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Question:

I am my fraternity’s VP of Membership and I basically manage and run our fraternity recruitment and new member education. My problem deals with recruitment.

Other fraternities view us as the nerds, the gay fraternity, the Jewish fraternity. In all actuality we have few guys that many would consider “nerds”, we have 3 gay men, and 4 Jewish people. With a chapter of 60 brothers this obviously is a small percentage of the Chapter. I don’t know where the trash talking comes from because we do not have any deep problems with any fraternity on campus. I honestly think they view us as a threat because we continue to push out good recruitment numbers and place in almost every sorority philanthropy we participate in.

How do we make sure PNMs don’t change their mind at the last second and how do we better our reputation within the Greek community?

Answer:

I know that you brought up the perception that your chapter is the nerd, gay, or Jewish chapter on your campus. However, I am going to push past those perceptions. I simply don’t have a good answer on how to attack those issues directly. I do see that there is some over-arching problems instead. You are going to be hard pressed to answer the “trash talking” conundrum. Every chapter on every campus has this problem somehow. Let’s focus on some things that can be more directly control.

Recruiting is like a sales pitch. It sounds like to present a great product in the form of your chapter. Your chapter during recruitment is what you are “selling”, but more importantly, chapters have to sell their individual members. I want to outline a few ideas that might help you close the deal on your PNM’s regardless of the aforementioned perceptions.

1)      Follow up and stay in touch

-          Too many chapters step away when they feel like that have a guy on the hook. They say to themselves, “this guy is definitely ours. Let’s focus on a guy on the fence.” The issue with that approach is then you ignore that guy, albeit unintentionally, and he doesn’t feel like he is truly wanted in your chapter. This leads to those 11^th hour switches that you feel you are plagued by

2)      Make sure your individual members sell themselves

-          People join people. This is absolutely true. When you buy a car, you want to trust the person that sold it to you. You as an individual chapter member have to sell yourself to the individual PNM. If your chapter is full of people that cannot make others feel comfortable joining the group, you will struggle. Nerd or gay perceptions aside, sell the person. Don’t underestimate the power of those one on one recruiting moments.

3)      Overwhelm the negative perception with the positive message

-          Fraternity Public Relations should not be taken likely. In the modern age, positive and negative public relations are seconds away on Twitter, Facebook, and the like. You are passionate about all of the things that make your chapter stand out on campus. Do you advertise this effectively? Do you use facebook as a chapter or have a chapter twitter account? Online and social media is the fastest growing marketing medium in the business world. Everyone now seems to have a smartphone and has instant access to information about your chapter and your MEMBERS. Your online and social media image and marketing efforts can greatly overcompensate the negative perceptions you have described.

4)      Ask questions

-          The PNM’s that chose another chapter will tell you why if you ask in a non-defensive way. Other chapters and sororities will tell you why PNM’s went another direction. Your Greek Life office should conduct a survey or gather some kind of feedback at the end of formal recruitment. You need to know why you lost a PNM in order to figure out how to tweak your approach and make improvements.

5)      Recruit year round

-          This is true everywhere and in every situation. Recruiting does not just take place during formal recruitment periods. You recruit every day and in every way. You positively recruit my publicizing your events and your achievements. You negatively recruit when your members do stupid and inappropriate things. You can hype up your chapter to PNM’s 24 hours a day without having an event. We call it Guerilla Marketing in the company I work for. It cost you nothing to talk to a guy you like and you think could benefit the chapter. It cost you nothing to spend time at the rec playing pick-up games with other guys on campus. Why not do it? These are the little things great recruiting chapters do year round.

This answer was written by Joe Russo, an alumni brother from Phi Delta Theta and contributor for the thefraternityadvisor.com. If you are interested in writing for thefraternityadvisor.com – let us know (CLICK HERE)!

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Question:

I am our fraternity president, and I was previously a VP Recruitment. I did a good job but I know now how much more our house can do to recruit better guys more guys and more efficiently. I didn’t see this as rush chair because I was thrown into the position, and we have an unfortunate tradition of apathy we are trying to rid.

He has been high most times I see him, a couple of other people in my house are the same way. I have smoked a handful of times in college, (a lot more in high school) but I have not smoked a single time nor will I during my time in office.

The major concern I have is that it is affecting his work ethic towards recruitment. When I give him a task to do he fights me tooth and nail, then when he does it at the last second it is still not up to par (basic things not rocket science). 

I’m concerned he will recruit more people who smoke weed.  I don’t think people who are high ALL the time like he is will be good members. We have had guys who get 4.0s are active fun and smoke that they use as an example of why they can too. When I ask him to do something for the house along the lines of recruitment he won’t agree to a way for me to hold him accountable.
> How do I hold him to do what I need him to do?
> How do I talk to him about my concern with his drug use?
> How do I make sure if he doesn’t do the job the other people in the house will?????

Answer:

You are in a tough situation.  Let me break my answer into two sections:

How to Handle a Brother Doing Drugs

There is a difference between experimenting and having a drug problem.  From your question, it sounds like your buddy has a problem.

A good friend, a good brother, will do everything he can to help him.  You need to have the tough talks about his lifestyle.  How do you do that?  By letting him know how much you care about him and how you are worried he is getting himself into big trouble.  Don’t make it about the fraternity, because it is much bigger than that.  This guy could be throwing his life down the toilet.  A brother doesn’t sit back and watch this happen to another brother.

Unfortunately, it probably won’t matter unless the addict wants to stop on his own.  Sometime the best way to help him get to that stage is to show tough love.  That is the second part of this answer.

How to Handle a Recruitment Chair Not Doing His Job

First, you need to have a serious conversation about his job performance.  Be sure you have clearly laid out the expectations, and that you can clearly show how he hasn’t met them.

Then you have a choice.  You either give him another chance, or you can choose to go in another direction.  99% of the time, you should go in another direction.  However, 99% of the time people don’t because it is the harder thing to do.

In my book, The Fraternity Leader, I talk about how you build character during the difficult times.  Anyone can be a leader when times are good.  The true leaders can step up and make wise decisions even though they aren’t always the easiest ones to make.  You clearly have one of these situations.

If you decide that this guy isn’t cutting it (and it appears he pretty clearly isn’t), then you need to remove him from the position.

The best way to do this is to explain to him that he can resign or you will have him removed.  By allowing him to resign, he will be able to save face.  Chances are if he is doing a poor job, he would welcome the opportunity to quit.

If he chooses not to resign, follow whatever process your chapter has for removing an officer.  I don’t really like to see brothers criticized in meetings, but for this brother it might be the best thing that could happen to him.

Show tough love in this spot.  As a the president of your fraternity, you have taken a responsibility to all the brothers of your chapter (both undergrad and alumni) to protect your charter and your standing on campus.  If you don’t take action – you will be letting them down.

Also, by showing tough love maybe the brother will realize that he needs a lifestyle change.  Of course, don’t kick him to the curb and forget about him.  Continue to try to help him find his way.  However, don’t let your fraternity suffer during the process.

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Question:

I’ve got an interesting situation. Recently one member, a new and more soft spoken member, had his girlfriend stay with him at the fraternity house for several days. During this time another member, older by 1 pledge class & more of a for lack of a better word dick, slept with the first members girlfriend.

 I know that it’s not against the law or bylaws & the (now ex) girlfriend should be held responsible so my question is how do I handle this internally & what can be done to ensure this doesn’t happen again? As you can imagine this breaks down brotherhood at its core & creates an unhealthy divide between pledge classes & that isn’t representative of the type of fraternity I’m recruiting guys to be in.

Answer:

I feel your pain. This is absolutely unacceptable, but also easy to address.

You probably have something like a chaplain. That person is not there to read a prayer before you start ritual. They are there to maintain the brotherhood. His job is to verbally stomp on this guy when he says something like that in a meeting. He’s also supposed to put those two guys in a room together and solve problems like this before they harm the brotherhood.

It sounds like you’re beyond that now, so… If a guy gets arrested for something bad, the fraternity would say its conduct unbecoming and throw him out right? How is this different? I guarantee that catch-all is in your national rules. Disciplinary action absolutely is something you should consider. You need to rehabilitate the character of the guy that did this, and also send a message to the chapter that they ARE going to be the kind of people you’re trying to recruit into your fraternity or there WILL be consequences.

After you get this settled, let me suggest you set up a standards committee. It’s just a formalization of what I told you the Chaplain should have done immediately. In our case it is the Chaplain along with an older prior exec guy (sgt-at-arms) and a younger pre-exec guy (doorkeeper). The committee is about preserving the brotherhood and rehabilitation, not punishment. They can informally discuss/investigate an issue with the members involved within a day or two; before it has time to fester. If it is a problem between members like this then they can talk it out. If it’s something like a fight, damaging property, breaking house rules, etc then they can levy a standard fine or other standard punishment. But, they’ll also look at options like having a guy meet with counseling services or something like that.

If they find the case is serious enough to warrant a Judicial Board then they can refer it up. It works like a grand jury in that sense. What this does is allow you to take a look at those gray area cases that may or may not need disciplinary action, it allows you to address most standard problems without having to do a full blown formal JBoard, and it seeks to rehabilitate members for the good of the brotherhood rather than just come down on them for making a mistake. I know it’s out of the box for most chapters, but give it some thought. Especially as chapters get bigger, it can be an important improvement in how you choose to be more than a social club.

As to that pledge class divide, that shouldn’t happen. You should not be more loyal to your pledge class than other brothers after initiation. You need to do a better job mixing everyone together. Not long after you start having issues with divisions between pledge classes you’ll start getting super cliquish and cease being anything related to a fraternity. Take a look at what you’re teaching in your pledge process. Coming through an experience together is one thing. That’s what happens before big brother/halfway point. The back half is when they’re increasingly accepted as friends by actives and incrementally integrating into the chapter.  We can help you with that kind of stuff, but you need to tell us more about what’s going on in your chapter so we can give you more specific advice on some options you might look at.

Good luck with your situation. I’m glad you’re showing the character to deal with it head on, and especially that you recognize the need to target character in your recruiting process.

– This answer was written by Dennis Nall, an alumni brother from Alpha Tau Omega and new contributor for the thefraternityadvisor.com. If you are interested in writing for thefraternityadvisor.com – let us know (CLICK HERE)!

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