Question:

I’m currently an undergraduate student at William and Mary, and I’m writing a column about changes in Greek housing. To give you a bit of background, W&M is transitioning its fraternity housing from the units, a complex of over a dozen, split-level dorms with 36 beds spread over 2.5 floors, to a new Greek Complex in 2013-14.

The units have been the home of fraternity life on campus for over 40 years, and as membership in fraternities has decreased, it is becoming harder and harder for chapters to fill their individual units. (Chapter size ranges from 20-80 members).

As there is a housing shortage at W&M, the administration started making fraternities pay for any vacancies in their units. This proved to be cost-prohibitive, so some fraternities resorted to sharing a unit, and others moved off-campus completely.

The new Greek complex will have only 17 beds per chapter house, which will obviously be easier for each individual chapter to fill.

So I had a couple questions about fraternity housing nationally:

Is this move towards less beds per chapter house part of a larger trend nationally?

The conventional wisdom, as I have heard it, is that the number of fraternity men has been steadily decreasing. Is this true?

Any other thoughts you have about this change?

Answer:

Fraternities were at their membership peak in the 70s.  Numbers have been in the decline ever since.  A lot of that is attributed to the boom in student population during/post Vietnam.  This is when a lot of universities built houses for their chapters.  Obviously they were built to house the chapters for the membership sizes they were back then.

Two things have happened since.  First, fraternity membership started to decline.  Second, the houses became old.  Houses from this era are now 40 years old, and have had a tough life.  Most need to be renovated or replaced.

Both of these things has had a profound impact on the health of the fraternity.  Chapter membership is down, and because of that they can’t fill their houses.  However, they still have to pay for the empty rooms, which is an extreme drain on chapter budgets.

Think about that impact.  More and more of the brotherhood dues are going to pay for empty rooms.  This means less funding for the programs the fraternity wants to have.

As a result, the fraternity has a tougher time during fraternity recruitment because they don’t have as much to show for the expense of the fraternity.  Membership numbers decrease even more, making this problem worse.

And let’s not forget that these old houses are becoming older by the day.  Students often have much ‘better’ living options out there, and living in the fraternity house is seen as a sacrifice.  This is obviously not a good situation for anyone involved.

I commend W&M for proactively addressing the issue with a housing plan that addresses the needs of their membership.  It looks like they are putting their chapters in a position to succeed, which they undoubtedly will.

I hope this becomes the trend on other campuses because the problems you are seeing at your school is common across the entire Greek Community.

This question was submitted by one of our readers. If you have a question you want me to answer go here to submit it: Fraternity Advice.

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Question:

What do I do about the rush ninja? You know who I mean…its that guy in the fraternity who snuck his way in through rush and pledgeship, and came out a total asshole who causes girls to leave parties and in some cases brothers to go inactive.

I have never heard the term rush ninja – it is pretty funny. Unfortunately, we are all familiar with this brother.

He got his bid during fraternity recruitment over a lot of objections from a lot of brothers because an influential brother labeled him a diamond in the rough. That brother convinced everyone he deserved a chance. During his new member period, he kept his nose down and the brothers didn’t like him, but didn’t have the heart to kick him out.

Next thing you know, he is the brother that no one is proud of. His values don’t match those of the brotherhood. He isn’t friends with the brothers and is the source of 90% of the drama in the fraternity. So what do you do?

The very first thing you need to do is have a private conversation with him. Men discuss things in hopes of settling their issues privately. You don’t have to accuse him of anything, just explain how his actions (be specific) have made YOU feel.

Hopefully, he will appreciate the conversation and modify his behavior. If he doesn’t, then other brothers should have the same conversation with him (privately one on one).

At this point he will realize that he has to change. If he doesn’t change, then the chapter will have to kick him out of the fraternity.

Before you start the process your fraternity has for expelling a brother, you better make sure that everyone feels the same way you do. This is obviously a big step and should not be taken lightly. I would first make sure the executive board is aware of the issue and let them take the lead on it.

I realize that expelling a brother is tough. No one likes to be the bad guy and kick a guy out. If this guy doesn’t meet your values, and is holding your fraternity back, then it is really your only option. Trust me though, removing this cancer from your fraternity will make it a lot stronger. It will also ensure that this type of attitude and behavior doesn’t spread.

This question was submitted by one of our readers. If you have a question you want me to answer go here to submit it: Fraternity Advice.

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Question:

We were recently voted on by IFC to become a recognized fraternity of our University. Unfortunately, they voted no. In my opinion, I think the voting went this way because they did not want to compete with us on campus. We have more members as a colony than the recognized fraternities, we have great philanthropy and we are good guys.

At this point I am concerned for my group because hearing no from IFC broke our hearts. We tried so hard to get to this point and now it feels like it’s for nothing. My question for you is, at this point, what kind of advice can you offer?

I feel we will be able to keep this going, but a lot of guys will drop because of the ruling. I want to keep everyone, but where do you think we should go from here?

I am real sorry to hear the ruling didn’t go your way.  I offer two solutions to your problem.

1 – How my Fraternity Handled this Same Situation

I joined a colony at NC State.  We applied to become members of IFC, and were shot down.

We were bummed.  However, we thought about it, and realized the only drawbacks were not being invited to participate in intramurals and Greek Week.  We were really bummed about intramurals, but didn’t really care about Greek Week.  All in all though, it wasn’t the end of the world.

On the positive side, we did not have to pay IFC dues or play by their rules.  As a result, we had parties during times when IFC prohibited it.  We did not have to attend IFC mandatory functions.  We pretty much did whatever we wanted and showed our ass in the process.

We parlayed this rebel attitude into a very successful year.  We had a ton of fun, and we bonded using the ‘us vs the world’ mentality.  Our brotherhood became very strong, and this was the foundation for years of success.

The next year though, the IFC realized that their organization would be better with us in it, and we were accepted.  Ironically, I become the IFC president a few years later.

That being said, this is the wrong approach.  There is a better way.

2 – How you Should Handle IFC Rejection

First, you need to have your nationals lay the groundwork for you getting accepted.  They need to have meeting with the Greek Life staff discussing what your chapter brings to the table and how to get accepted.  While the Greek Life director does not make the decision, they can definitely influence it.

Next, you need to have your chapter’s executive board have a meeting with the executive board of the IFC.  In this meeting, you need to explain that while you are disappointed you were not accepted, you appreciate them reviewing your fraternity.

Then, and this is key, you need to get them to give you guidelines that your chapter needs to meet to be considered for membership.  After the meeting, follow up with a letter documenting these requirements, and courtesy copy your nationals and the school’s Greek Life office.

Now, you have goals you need to accomplish.  Meet those goals, and then apply again.

While you are striving to meet these goals, be sure to build relationships along the way.  Become familiar with the Greek Life office, and ask for their guidance.  Participate in IFC events when allowed – especially community service events.

Also, become familiar with the other fraternities on campus.  Have your president reach out and meet with the presidents of other chapters.  During these meetings, your president should ask for advice on how to make your chapter stronger.  These conversations will lead to your fraternity having allies during the next vote.

If you do these things, you will be accepted into IFC without fail.  You will be accepted because you will have become part of their community.  You will no longer be viewed as an outsider.  They will see your fraternity as an asset to their organization, and you will be welcomed with open arms.

Don’t let this rejection get your fraternity down.  Use it as motivation to get better as an organization.  Being accepted into the IFC will be much sweeter for your brotherhood when you realize you have had to work hard to earn it.

Of course, ironically, a few short years from now your brothers will be complaining and want to quit IFC because they do not see the benefit.  That’s a talk for another day though…

This question was submitted by one of our readers. If you have a question you want me to answer go here to submit it: Fraternity Advice.

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Question:

What do you think about men who don’t drink? I’m looking at one fraternity right now who don’t appear to be wild about it. I’m fine around drinking, I just choose not to. Is there a place in Greek Life for the dry guy?

A good friend of mine rushed my fraternity.  He didn’t drink.  He had the same concerns as the ones above.

During rush, no one made a big deal of it.  He asked questions about it, but no one really seemed to care.  He realized it wasn’t an issue to us, and he joined.

We would quickly learn that this was actually an awesome thing for the rest of us.  This brother was a regular with the party guys, and he never minded driving.  We always had a safe ride home.

The bigger point is he always hung out, and was a damn good brother.  His not drinking had no negative impact on him being a brother, and if anything it had a positive one.  We liked him for who he was, and didn’t pay any attention to the drinking issue.

It sounds like you are going through fraternity recruitment and have encountered some immature brothers.  Be sure one or two juvenile guys don’t spoil your opinion of the entire chapter.  Some of the younger guys often are misguided, and may not be good representatives of the entire chapter.

Chances are the guys are level headed, and really don’t care if you drink or not.

If it seems like the fraternity is making too big a deal of you not drinking, go find another fraternity.  The last thing you want is to be part of a chapter that pressures you to do things you don’t want to do.

To answer your question – there is a place for the dry guy in Greek Life.  Actually, there are lots of places.  You just have to find the one where you fit best.  Good luck.

This question was submitted by one of our readers. If you have a question you want me to answer go here to submit it: Fraternity Advice.

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He has a fraternity brother who had his younger brother rush.   For whatever reason, the brotherhood decided the younger brother did not deserve a bid, and this caused some discontent in the fraternity.  He asked me my opinion on legacies.

As frequent readers of TFA know, I believe your fraternity should only focus on having the most high quality men in the chapter.  If an individual doesn’t meet your expectations, then they should be cut or not given a bid.

I believe in nearly all cases a legacy should be given an automatic bid – especially if the original brother is still in school.  Only in extreme circumstances should he not be given one.

Here is why:

1)      It is necessary PR move.  Think about the brother in the original question.  His fraternity brothers essentially said that his family isn’t good enough.  I love my fraternity and chapter, but it would be very hard to remain committed to an organization that wouldn’t accept my real brother.  Also, think about the problems it is going to cause his family.  How is he going to explain to Mom that little brother isn’t good enough – especially if Mom is paying his dues?  I think you risk losing a brother if the legacy isn’t offered a bid.

2)      There is a more tactful way to handle this situation.  Let the legacy become a new member.  If the new member program does what it is supposed to do, it will prove whether he should become a brother or not.  If he isn’t a good fit, it will be exposed for everyone to see.  In nearly all cases where a new member isn’t cutting it, a new member will realize this and quit.  However, if he doesn’t, then you will have concrete reasons why he doesn’t meet your expectations of a brother.  You will have given him every opportunity to prove himself, and can now justify not letting him in.

3)      He may turn into a really good brother.  Maybe he just gave a bad first impression during fraternity recruitment.  We have all seen 100x the recruits that try too hard and come off bad, or the ones who are a little socially awkward.  However, often times these guys are diamonds in the rough and turn into great brothers.  If the original brother is a good member of the fraternity, there is hope for his legacy.

I am very curious to hear your thoughts on legacies.  Should they be given automatic bids?  Does anyone have a story that could help the chapter that is having this issue?  Please leave your thoughts below in the comments.

Any insight will really help this struggling chapter…

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Question:

My Fraternity has been mulling around the idea of raising dues for the past few years but it has never happened.  As I’m sure you know no one wants to vote on something that would cost them more of their money. Just the same a congress would never vote to lower their paychecks.

The attitude in the chapter is finally ready to accept a dues increase but it still has to be done the right way. I have filled out a SCOPED form and read many resources on best ways to present this to the chapter but just wanted to know if you had any other suggestions on the best way to handle this.

How exactly do you get the idea of making it MORE expensive to be in a fraternity to go over well? When I was an active, we increased dues maybe once, and it was only by a very small amount. It is important to keep in mind that if your chapter is having trouble with collections, hardly any of the following advice will be valid.

There are resources available on this site on how you can improve your collections. There are 5 key things to show your membership and be ready to explain when you propose an increase in membership dues

1)      Prove why the increase is necessary

-          If you cannot show your membership why the increase is needed, you will be met with insurmountable resistance. Numbers speak louder than words. Show your honest projections for your chapter’s finances. Explain where you are losing money or not growing your savings enough. This will connect with your members as to the future needs an increase can meet and give them a short term reassurance that the increase is needed

2)      Have a plan for the increased revenue

-          Just as important as showing why the increase is needed is having a plan for what the money is to be spent on. Is it debt reduction? An increase for the recruitment budget? Are you starting a long overdue capital project on your house? Find out what the money SHOULD be used for and show your members.

3)      Understand that there is no way it will be a wildly popular idea

-          Your members may now that it is needed, but that doesn’t mean they will love it. Stay calm when there are questions and be focused if your fellow members get combative in meting discussions. When you talk about money, people tend to get a bit short tempered.

4)      Recruit!

-          This seems to be a part of every response, but, if you recruit people who can pay their dues, even with the increase, then you should be ok. One major objection for people that do not join a fraternity is that it is too expensive. Though you will be raising dues, use the tips above to demonstrate why there is value in the money they pay in their dues.

5)      Keep it simple

-          You are not going to solve every financial issue in one swing. A modest increase in dues can help get you started. Then make sure the rest of your financial house is in order. Stay focused with the extra revenue and keep your goals clearly in sight.

Dues increases can cause some major headaches if not handled appropriately. Trust in your information and your presentation. Best of luck!

This question was submitted by one of our readers. If you have a question you want me to answer go here to submit it: Fraternity Advice.

This answer was written by Joe Russo, an alumni brother from Phi Delta Theta and contributor for the thefraternityadvisor.com. If you are interested in writing for thefraternityadvisor.com – let us know (CLICK HERE)!

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Question:

I am the newly elected VP of my fraternity. I came in a year and a half ago as a sophomore in a complete rebuilding scenario. We are at a small school and currently only have 16 actives. The average “good” fraternity here has around 50-70 guys.

Before I came in the type of guys that were here made us one of the few pretty much GDI fraternities here. All of those guys smoked pot and were pretty worthless so you can imagine our reputation around campus.

Anyways we’ve recruited and cut dead weight to where now we only have 4 guys before me and the rest are all new guys, and I’d say we have about a 50/50 split between “fratty guys” and “non-fratty guys”. As you know image is one of the biggest things when it comes to pulling in new guys as well as working with sororities.

What advice could you give me when it comes to trying to change the mindset of the guys we have to where we focus on recruiting more of the fraternity type potentials and less of the GDI friends that some of them seem to have? Also any rebuilding advice in general would be nice.

This question was submitted by one of our readers. If you have a question you want me to answer go here to submit it: Fraternity Advice.

Question:

I am the newly elected VP of my fraternity. I came in a year and a half ago as a sophomore in a complete rebuilding scenario. We are at a small school and currently only have 16 actives. The average “good” fraternity here has around 50-70 guys.

Before I came in the type of guys that were here made us one of the few pretty much GDI fraternities here. All of those guys smoked pot and were pretty worthless so you can imagine our reputation around campus.

Anyways we’ve recruited and cut dead weight to where now we only have 4 guys before me and the rest are all new guys, and I’d say we have about a 50/50 split between “fratty guys” and “non-fratty guys”. As you know image is one of the biggest things when it comes to pulling in new guys as well as working with sororities.

What advice could you give me when it comes to trying to change the mindset of the guys we have to where we focus on recruiting more of the fraternity type potentials and less of the GDI friends that some of them seem to have? Also any rebuilding advice in general would be nice.
Answer:

This is my fourth attempt at answering this question…

After reading your question again, and reading Dennis’ reply below, I realize that I probably read too much into this question.  I interpreted the question to imply that you believed you needed to recruit guys for superficial reasons to get your fraternity to the next level.

That mindset will kill your chapter.  I strongly believe that you need to measure the quality of the men in your chapter by their character – not their image.

However, it is obvious you are committed to your fraternity and looking to take that next step.  I apologize for my initial answer….

I hope the intent of your question was how to recruit more high-quality men and how to get your current brothers to buy into that same mindset to continue your rebuilding effort.  I will answer that question…

First, I commend you for expelling the brothers who don’t meet your standards.  That is a very difficult thing to do, but was obviously the right thing as evidenced by your success.  As Dennis references below, I advise quickly removing brothers who refuse to meet the ideals and commitments of the fraternity.  Keeping dead weight around just prolongs the problem.

To take the next step, I think it is essential that all the brothers sit down and discuss what is expected of a brother.  All brothers need to buy into that vision.  This will help you achieve a few things.

It will obviously help you keep your brothers accountable to a set of standards.  They will be defined and they will be clear.  This will help your fraternity.

Also, it will help you focus on recruiting the right type of guy.  You will be looking for guys who meet this set of standards, and that will make recruiting easier.  You will have predetermined what expectations you have for new members.  That should aid you during fraternity recruitment discussions of why you should or shouldn’t take a guy.

Above all else, I encourage you to not take guys who don’t meet your standards.  If these guys make it into your fraternity, they will hurt you because they do not share the same vision as the rest of the brothers.  This will cause an endless string of frustration and cause splits in your chapter.

It will also hurt you during rush.   A high potential recruit could be turned off by your undesirable brother.  It would be awful to lose a future fraternity president over a guy you didn’t want anyway.

About your image, don’t worry about it.  Image is a by-product of opinions you can’t control.  Focus on what you can control.

You can control the quality of the brothers you have in your fraternity.  You can develop relationships with individuals in other organizations (sororities) that will eventually turn into relationships between chapters.

And if you focus on making yourselves and your fraternity better, I promise you the image issues you believe you have will go away.

Also, if you haven’t done so, I encourage you to check out my book – The Fraternity Leader.  This answers a lot of the questions you have – namely How to Recruit and How to Become Popular with Sororities.

This question was submitted by one of our readers. If you have a question you want me to answer go here to submit it: Fraternity Advice.

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1 – For a lot of fraternities, it is difficult to get brothers motivated during the spring recruitment period.  Brothers just aren’t as interested for whatever reason.

This will have the added bonus that brothers should enjoy the event, which will make the event a success.

2 – Don’t overspend.  Spring budgets are tight.  Formal is normally in the spring, and the accounts get bled dry before summer.  Spring rush is one of those expenses that does not have to be excessive.

The guys who are going to join your fraternity in the spring will have already been sold on it.  They will know the guys, and they will know what you do.  Don’t spend money when you don’t have to.

This brings me to my next point…

3 – Focus on recruiting guys you already know.  By January, everyone has established relationships with friends.  Guys aren’t going to join on a whim like they will in the fall.

Therefore, you will be spinning your wheels if you focus on trying to recruit strangers.  The time for recruiting strangers was in the fall semester when you could invite them to your events and take the time to get to know them.  Trying to find these guys and then get them to join is not the most efficient way to use your time.

4 – Make it quick.  You should know who you are going to recruit in the spring.  Focus on them and their friends, and then end it.  No need to drag it out.  This should motivate the guys being recruited because they  know they better act or be left out.  The brothers will be happy because rush will not last longer than necessary.

I hope these four tips help you succeed during spring recruitment.  For more recruitment advice – check out 5 Ways Your Fraternity can KILL IT During Fraternity Recruitment.

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From Adam:

You take the site (Total Frat Move) way too seriously. If you don’t like it then don’t visit it. I bet you’re a balanced man chapter advisor too. You see, the great thing about this country is the freedom we have to say what we want and do what we want. People like you who try to impose their views on others should leave this country. Hazing, partying, hooking up with girls, etc, happen but no one takes the site as seriously as you do. Opinions are like a man’s private part. It’s cool that you have your own opinion, but once you start whipping it out and putting it in our face it becomes stupid. Chug bleach sir.

David’s Reply:

Adam is right. Sort of. First, I agree that Freedom of Speech is a wonderful thing. Saying and doing what we want within the law is amazing. Among even more important things, it allows fraternities to exist and grow. I suggest readers do a little research sometime and learn more about how the First Amendment specifically applies to fraternities. Here are some good article to get you started. (http://www.huffingtonpost.com/greg-lukianoff/fraternities-and-free-spe_b_912673.html & http://thefire.org/article/7292.html) To summarize we must stand for something of value to society not just in word, but deed to retain the “selectivity” rights we claim.

For example, something that I’m sure TFM fans would care about is that standing for something more than “social” is what allows us to retain our single sex status. We have an exemption to Title IX (of the Federal Educational Amendment of 1972) which would otherwise require us to allow women to be full members. Incidentally, little sister programs like those existing frequently in the South are the single biggest threat to a fraternity remaining male only. Also something many TFM’ers fail to realize.

Back to the question of standing for something. Adam could create an exclusive fraternity for almost any purpose he wants as it is more than just “social.” Some purposes would be prohibited though. One exception would be hazing which in most states is specifically illegal. (And, in the other states the hazing practices that he would likely want to promote are each listed as illegal but called something else: assault, kidnapping, torture, etc.). He can recruit others in the very legal endeavor of promoting his values within his campus community. This is true even if we don’t like his values. Just as the Klan, or any group can so long as they don’t promote, or specifically engage in illegal activity. It would be like Adam decided to start a NAMBLA chapter at his college. Most of us wouldn’t agree with what they stand for – but as long as he doesn’t cross the line into illegal, he has every legal right to do it. (That is so long as he isn’t breaking any university policies or conduct codes which he likely would be. But the increasing limits on the freedom of association on colleges today is a different topic.)

But, here is the problem. The live and let live attitude he wants doesn’t work for the simple fact that Adam isn’t creating a NEW fraternity with which he get’s to choose the stated purpose. He JOINED one that already exists and he is looking to CHANGE what that fraternity is about. (Or, possibly joined a chapter that changed before he got there.) He joined a franchise of a national or international organization whose principles and stated values were established long before he was alive. That fraternity was welcomed to his campus based on those values. (Also, possibly before he was alive.) For example my fraternity Sigma Phi Epsilon is about Virtue, Diligence, and Brotherly Love. If I don’t want to be in a fraternity about those things I can quit and start my own fraternity. I can’t CHANGE what Sig Ep is about and make it about Natty Light, Heroine, and Sex. (Unless done through our national convention. Can you IMAGINE the discussion on THAT vote?!) Fraternities are a franchise just like Holiday Inn, or McDonalds and doesn’t get to decide what they are about once they join the company.

Picture it. A mall rents a storefront to a McDonalds franchise. For years they sell burgers and all is well. One year a new manager, let’s call him… Adam takes over and finds there is a lot of profit in porn. Next to the cash register he places some magazines. Then some videos. He even inserts DVDs into the Happy Meals making some call them REALLY Happy Meals. Soon, more and more videos are there and fewer and fewer burgers. The management of the mall warns them that their lease will not be renewed if things don’t change back. They don’t, and the store is closed. Adam calls a press conference and yells at the management for infringing upon his First Amendment rights! “This is an outrage! If people are offended by our material they don’t have to walk into our store!”

Pretty out there huh? Yeah. A McDonalds would never allow a franchise to stray so far from what they are supposed to be about. Outrageous to think that someone could blame the mall’s management for deciding what stores they want. In our country Universities have the ability to decide what student organizations they recognize. Public ones have less freedom to decide than private ones. Just like local zoning laws would allow for the porn store in some places but restrict it in others. Private colleges, just like privately owned malls can just say no thanks.

TFM’ers prove that our national fraternities have a lot of quality control problems because what is found on campuses isn’t always what they say their franchises are supposed to be.

Are there some funny things on there? Certainly. But, by and large what I have found are things that are the epitome of what is WRONG with fraternities today and what will end the invitation to remain on the American college campus. More private colleges are just saying no thanks, and public ones are pushing the limits of control as far as they can. Does TFM have a legal right to exist? Sure. But let’s be clear – that isn’t the question here. We are simply talking about whether it is good for fraternities or not.

I’m all for a good party. But, when it becomes what you stand for and call it your “purpose” rather than just allowing a social life to be one of many “benefits” you provide, you aren’t a fraternity anymore. You are a bar. And, if that is what you want to be, Great! Go ahead and be that. Get your house re-zoned and get a liquor license. Have a great time and drink a beer for me. Just stop saying you’re a fraternity.

What Adam doesn’t understand is that opinionated people like me aren’t trying to stick OUR values in his face. Adam, we are putting YOUR fraternity’s values in your face, and… we’re calling you a hypocrite. I’m willing to bet that what your chapter really values, or what you want it to value, is contrary to the actual oath you swore. Yes, that oath you swore at initiation means something. It would be like enlisting in the Army, swearing an oath to follow the orders of your superior officers but then thinking you get to choose which orders to follow based on your personal desires. You tell me what fraternity you call your own, and I’ll find a brother who actually knows its real purpose from YOUR OWN ritual. They can tell you it isn’t about hazing, partying and hooking up with girls. I dare you to come out of the shadows and take my challenge. Tell us all your school and fraternity. OWN your beliefs and stand up like a man for them. Honest people can disagree. I disagree with what you say your fraternity is supposed to be. OR, maybe I’m misunderstanding what you say your fraternity should be. Either way, prove me wrong.

Just like Adam, we all have a choice to either to believe that fraternity really IS what they portray through the media & sites like TFM – and think that is OK. Or, we can evaluate what fraternity SHOULD be about even if all chapter aren’t yet there. If we decided it should be about more than the stereotype, we can’t accept members of our chapters trying to live up to that image and in doing so change what we are. It seems like many TFM’ers want to fight for some embattled right to hold unpopular opinions just because we dislike  liberal politics, conformity, or political correctness, or whatever establishment they deem oppressive. I can understand that desire. But those things can be fought elsewhere. Leave fraternities alone.

Unfortunately, I am betting that instead of an informed, intelligent debate about the true purpose of fraternity, Adam and his TFM friends will take the impotent approach of bashing me (even more) from a cowardly little hole.

David Stollman
stollman@campuspeak.com:

From Adam:

David,

First off, I would like to apologize for the chug bleach remark.  While that is how I truly felt, a gentleman must conduct himself better when dealing with another gentleman (I had also had a little too much whiskey).  I am glad that we both agree with the importance of the First Amendment; the belief that men can stand up against each other and disagree is what makes America the greatest country in the world.  You are also right on the social aspect, and especially regarding little sisters and Fraternities.  The Greek Life Office of the university where I finished my bachelor’s degree promoted “big” and “little” sisters for Fraternity men.  That social construct almost single-handedly tore the Greek system apart.  The guys that used that social tool were guys that didn’t have the social capabilities to talk to girls on their own.  So when an 18 year old freshman girl would just get through her pledge process a guy (usually a junior or a senior) would give her a jersey with her letters, in his Fraternity’s colors, and in essence brainwash her into only hanging out with him and his brothers.  The guys would usually bad-mouth other Fraternities to their “little sisters” and try to sleep with them.  Needless to say it brought more gossip and drama to the Greek community then almost anything else.

Stop “Developing”

Personally, I am not a fan of you student “developers.”  From my analysis many of these “enlightened” men were marginalized from the mainstream guys in their Fraternity during their undergraduate experience.  While the “studs” of their Fraternity went on to do big things and make significant moves in the corporate world, the student developers decided to stay around the college and be a “role model” to young men joining their Fraternity.  It’s kind of like the kids that graduated high school and stayed /working there instead of going to college.  Many of you stayed around to turn the Fraternity into what you always thought it should be, but is it what the founding fathers wanted?

Many of these student developers majored in things like “higher education,” and their world is full of very liberal and idealistic theories that sound so good on paper, but when applied in the real world create a culture of entitlement and a false sense of self-importance.  Why is this a bad thing?  Well it’s hard for many of you to understand, many of you guys have your hearts in the right place, but remember that you’re already established and have paid your dues.  So when you only bring your “enlightened” opinions to the table, you are not preparing these young men for the real world.

And that real world… let me tell you, it sucks right now and it’s only getting worse.  Young men now need to be prepared for it, because it’s only going to get harder in their lifetimes.  The economy will get worse before it gets better; we won’t have social security and we will eventually be burdened with significantly higher taxes (we can’t borrow from China forever), there will be more wars, and competition in the job market will be the most cut-throat it has ever been (thanks to how colleges just give away Political Science degrees).  To add onto that, there are a few hundred million young people in Asia who have higher grades then us in math, science, and even speak and write in English better than the average American.   We are in for some hard times.  Also, I could point out to a plethora of studies and statistics that show that students with 2-year technical degrees are making more than university graduates, while accumulating almost zero debt in the process.  Universities and Fraternities that were once elite bastions of success are now watering down their exclusiveness.

What confuses me the most about you student developers and over-analyzing psychologists, is that the more of you that surface, the more problems we have.  Our population grows dumber as “higher education” degrees are being given out more now, than ever in history.  Students are having more and more problems, and you guys always find a way of fixing it by labeling it some new and creative name that you “coined” and giving the student an idealistic way of fixing it.  You all do students a disservice, because instead of treating them like men, you pamper them and tell them everything will be nice and easy.  In essence, your type has helped usher in the “Participation Trophy Generation.”  I believe in tough love, and that is my right.  The REAL WORLD does not care about any issues and all that future bosses care about the bottom line, not about how sensitive and understanding they can be to their subordinates.

Character Building is NOT Hazing

Let us also make one thing straight though, I am NOT a fan of hazing.  What is “hazing” these days though?  Your type considers scavenger hunts, forced dress/memorization, push-ups, bows & tows, and blindfolding to be “hazing.”  I would have to disagree with you.  What I consider to be hazing and highly inappropriate is making pledges do things that you would never do, things such as, but not limited to:  forced binge drinking, sex acts, crimes, etc.  In my pledge process I was broken down, but built back up, and the most important thing I learned in the process was to lose my pride and realize that I am nothing significant to this world.

You see, when an 18-year-old kid comes into college he most likely is on cloud nine with his pride and arrogance shooting through the roof.  The purpose of his pledge process should be to break him down and show him there is a hierarchy, an order, and that he must pay his dues and respect the people that came before him.  I was taught this, I was broken down, and I was built back up in a way where I lost all my pride and understood that at the beginning of any life endeavor I take, I will always be a pledge.

Losing the Pride

The first internship I had as an undergraduate was for a Unified Combatant Command that reported directly to the Department of Defense.  I had a Top Secret Security Clearance, and got to engage in national security matters that most people couldn’t even fathom.  Many students who got internships such as this thought they had reached “self-actualization,” but because of my pledge process I knew that I would have to pay my dues once again.  I was once again a pledge, and for the first few months it was worse then my actual pledgeship, but thankfully I did what was asked with no hesitation and outperformed my peers.  The internship resulted in many job offers and national fellowships in National Security Studies.

As a Graduate student I have been paid to go to an institution that is one of the best in the nation.  This is because as a pledge I was taught that I’m not shit, and that respect must be earned and I must sacrifice to earn it.  It’s funny that you mentioned about enlisting in the Army, because I did that in August.  In a few months I will be taking a job with the United States Army, and once again I will be a pledge.  You may think a young man with a Masters degree would be going in as an officer, wrong.  I will be going in enlisted 18X (Special Forces Recruit), because to be a great soldier I must be a great pledge, and when one goes in enlisted, he is a pledge.  Will it suck?  Yes.  Will I be a better soldier and leader because of it?  YES.  It’s not about the money or seniority, it’s about being the best, and to do that one must experience hell.  Pride must be checked at the door.

Only God Has The Right To Judge

Quit finding somewhere or something to blame and put the blame on the idiot committing the act.  On the website Total Frat Move there are stupid posts regarding hazing and drugs, but it’s just humorous “guy talk.”  No one sees something on the site and does it just to be cool.  You pointing the finger at Total Frat Move is similar to what many people did with the music artists Eminem and Marilyn Manson after the Columbine massacre.  Instead of disciplining the idiots involved, you point the finger and judge someone else for the deficiencies of the idiots who messed up.  Fraternity men across the nation did stupid things before the Internet existed, and if Total Frat Move were to shut down tomorrow there would continue to be idiots that make stupid decisions.  It’s “guy talk,” and any real man knows it’s nothing more than satire.

If you’re a Fraternal gentleman, then I’m quite positive your ritual in some way, shape, or form has something Biblical tied into it.  So you should know that to judge others goes against the Bible.  I urge you to look at Twitter accounts such as  “Elevator Talk at Goldman Sachs.”  Those men practically run world economies, but they still push the envelope with their “guy talk.”  Me, I drink a couple times a month and I DON’T care about “slampieces” or drugs, but when guys get around each other we push the envelope with our rhetoric, and if you never have then I question your sexuality.  My friends who frequent the site are very intelligent and successful men who have their heads on straight, but they check out the site every once in a while to unwind and get a good laugh.

If you look at professional sports such as the NFL, you will see rookies getting “hazed” (and these rookies are millionaires’).  I pray every day that you “enlightened” student developers never set your sights and opinions on the U.S. military, because they really “haze.”  If my Sergeants go easy on me they will be doing me a disservice and I may lose my life because of it when I’m on the battlefield.  The best companies, organizations, teams, etc all “haze” and make you pay your dues, many times worse than pledgeship.  So by treating college men as precious puppies you are only setting them up for a very rude awakening.

RELAX and Confront the Real Problem

Take a deep breath and realize that overcoming stereotypes will make us better men.  Fraternity men will be stereotyped negatively as long as we remain exclusive and our rituals remain secret.  There is nothing wrong with being stereotyped.  On almost every occasion once people get to know me I change their perception and they lose that stereotype they once had.  After college we are all equal anyways, but we hope that what we learned in our pledgeship and Fraternal experience gave us the tools to climb the ladder more quickly and maneuver swiftly through hardships and problems.  A Fraternity gentleman will be stereotyped by the ignorant no matter how nice he is and how much community service or philanthropy his Fraternity did.  To point the finger at others is the most dangerous thing one can do, but if you really want to point your finger at a problem (this will come as a shock) then point at the National Headquarters of many Fraternities.

In my analysis, National Fraternity headquarters are becoming the biggest threat to the superiority and sanctity of Fraternities everywhere.  They are putting chapters at every school they can and are pushing their chapters to grow as large as possible.  Why?  Well for more money of course.  I love capitalism, but our respective national HQs should not.  By aggressively expanding and promoting awards such as “100+ man Chapter” awards, they are watering down the experience every member has.  It shouldn’t be about quantity, it should be about quality.  That is where the main problem lies.  Instead of having solid chapters around 50-60 men that can be properly molded and taught, the norm is quickly becoming 100-200 men chapters that almost mimic gangs with no direction, meaning, or sense of true brotherhood.

So in conclusion David, I think we both believe what a Fraternity should be, we just have different methods of getting there.  Myself, along with many of my “TFM friends” idolize the men who came before us and built empires out of nothing.  We idolize our fathers who fought in Vietnam, our grandfathers who fought in World War II, and all the men that built this great country with nothing more than ambition.  Have you stopped to think that many of the guys who get on Total Frat Move do so just to vent?  I love laughing at the site, but when I was Vice President of my Fraternity we had the highest philanthropy and community service numbers in our history.  All I want is for Fraternities to have that prestige and superiority they once had before they became a mainstream product.  We just have different ways of getting there.  Outsiders or “GDIs” as the TFM site-goers would call them will always dislike us.  Why?  Because they didn’t get a bid or they didn’t have the money for dues.  Remember, no one regrets going Greek, but there are many people in this world who look back and regret NOT going Greek.  With success comes hatred from the masses.  Want an example?  Look no further than Tim Tebow.

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Question:

My fraternity is really small, and is in debt pretty bad, so we really can’t do much without having to pay for it ourselves. How are we supposed to recruit?

This is a hard one to answer considering you didn’t give much information.  Feel free to leave more info in the comments below and I’ll address them.

Here are some thoughts I have about your situation:

You obviously need to get your debt under control.  I will assume you owe the money to yourselves and not others.  By owe to yourselves, I mean that brothers are behind in dues.

Here are my thoughts on How to Get Brothers to Pay Fraternity Dues.

If you owe money to others, you probably need to fundraise your butts off and get back to level.  Here are some quick thoughts on fraternity fundraisers.

Finally, those ideas really don’t address the problem.  You need to figure out why you are having money problems.  Are your dues too low?  Does your fraternity spend wastefully?  Is your house sucking you dry?  Obviously low numbers is hurting you…

Whatever your problem is, you need to figure it out and address it.

Finally, assuming you can get your money problems under control (no need to read further if you can’t) then you can focus on recruitment.

Besides the fraternity recruitment advice that I go into great detail on in this site, there is something that your chapter offers that is unique.

Your fraternity can offer perspective new members the ability to rebuild a chapter.  You need to find leaders who will relish the challenge of rebuilding your chapter into something great.  These guys will get to be saviors to be remembered for generations of future brothers.  This is appealing to a lot of guys.

So the next question is where do you find those guys?   Think of where the leaders are on your campus.  RAs are a great place to start.  Also student government is ideal.  And don’t forget the athletic teams.

Have frank conversations to these guys letting them know that you are essentially giving them your chapter to build into something great.  All you need is one guy to buy into the vision.  He will be able to help you sell the vision to others.

Best of luck.  Remember that the bigger the challenge, the bigger the reward.  Feel free to keep the conversation going below.

This question was submitted by one of our readers. If you have a question you want me to answer go here to submit it: Fraternity Advice.

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