Question:

When our Fraternity books their formal they book it under a false name because it seems that once every hotel finds out we are a Fraternity they want nothing to do with us anymore. Obviously this sucks but looking at our ritual and the things we say we stand for this goes completely against it. I just want to know if this is something that is just sort of a necessary evil or if compatible how should it be approached.

I wonder what has been happening either with your fraternity or other fraternities in the area that hotels or reception facilities are this leery of having you in their establishment. Does Greek Life in your area have a terrible reputation? What other fraternities or sororities have ruined it for you? Most of this is completely out of your control, but figuring that out will help you empathize with the hotel or reception center. Why wouldn’t they be concerned if another Greek organization wrecked the place or got out of control?

The best way to help your cause is to do be as honest and matter of fact with the place you are booking. Don’t use a false name or hide what you are doing. They will find out and they will feel lied to. All this will do is anger the hotel and immediately kill your credibility with management. Even if there is a minor issue, it will become a major one because you have already tried to deceive them.

Do yourself a favor and call ahead to make an appointment to talk to someone in person. It is easier to go out of your way a bit to talk face to face and address whatever issues may arise and to hammer out any details that you can ahead of time. It also helps establish a relationship of trust. When you meet this person, or even if you have to only talk on the phone, do so professionally. Don’t show up in jeans and a T-shirt or talk to them on your cell phone while you are running errands. For the hotel, this is a business deal. You need to treat it the exact same way.

With your membership, do whatever you gave to do to ensure your members act like gentleman and their dates are on their best behavior. You are GUESTS in their hotel or their reception hall. You don’t have to be there and if you screw it up, you won’t be able to ever come back. It should be crystal clear what your expectations are prior to going to your event. If something does come up, handle it accordingly. You may even have to ask a brother to leave. You may have to use your judicial process just like any other issue in your chapter.

My direct answer is to not hide who you are. Own it and prove to wherever you are booking that your chapter can be trusted. Build that relationship and you will have a cooperative and appreciative staff to work with you and your chapter. Indirectly, do what you need to do to ensure this trust is established and maintained. You will be better off for it.

This answer was written by Joe Russo, an alumni brother from Phi Delta Theta and contributor for the thefraternityadvisor.com. If you are interested in writing for thefraternityadvisor.com – let us know (CLICK HERE)!

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Question:

I am a junior in a fraternity and running for president, we have not yet held fraternity elections. We are a dry fraternity nationally and this chapter has been dry for the last 3 years I have been in the house.

Before that we were ok with drinking in private rooms not big parties. Now we sometimes have isolated incidents of drinking in the house, and if we have blatant evidence we give a fine. Some members feel we should have the opportunity to drink in the house, with certain individuals moving out the office of presidency in my chapter will have to decide to secretly allow drinking or to continue being truly dry.

I feel both ways on this issue. I feel we still can do a lot to make our fraternity better in other ways than drinking alone can help. Also I am concerned from a standpoint of liability, if we drink in the house what the consequences could be on me the president.

If we allow it we can’t have any written rules on it, if the drinking causes some kind of problem we don’t have the resources other wet houses have. And if one of our chapter advisers comes by they could shut us down.

I want to build my brothers up and give us more opportunities and push us into doing more for ourselves and campus.  How can I make this place better and continue having dry housing. I’m looking for advice on how to deal with this issue; with my brothers when talking about my potential presidency. I feel we can do a lot of other things to make our brotherhood better before we deal with the alcohol issue.

Your integrity is a valuable thing.  It should not be compromised.  You, and every brother in your fraternity, have agreed to abide by the policy of your national fraternity.  No one put a gun to your head to join.  You were free to join any fraternity knowing these rules.

By sneaking around the policy now you are essentially saying that your word doesn’t mean much, and that you and the brothers in your chapter are not trustworthy.

My advice is to follow the policy, work to get it changed, or quit the fraternity.  Any other action is dishonorable and shows weak character.

That being said, it is very easy to thrive under these conditions.  Thousands of chapters all across the country do.

Your brothers’ biggest worry is probably that this policy will impact the social scene of the chapter.  It doesn’t have to.  You can have the same great events, with alcohol, at third party locations.  And there are benefits to doing it this way.  There is no set-up or clean-up, and a lot of the risk management responsibility will be transferred to the third party vendor.

The risk management piece is an especially big benefit.  I recently worked with a chapter that was put on probation because an underage girl was caught drinking by campus police.  They asked her where she was, and she said she was at this fraternity house for a party.  The fraternity and the girl claimed they did not provide her with alcohol.  However, the school disagreed and the chapter was given a semester of social probation for this incident.  This issue would not have happened at a third party location.

For the record, I do disagree with a mandated dry-house policy.  I understand how it helps chapters, but I think that taking away choice and freedoms is not something that a fraternity should do.  I wrote an article not too long ago titled: The Pros and Cons of a Alcohol Free Fraternity House and is definitely worth a read.

That being said, you guys have already made your choice to belong to an alcohol free house.  You can either be the type of guys who play by the rules or don’t.  Remember that honor and integrity are precious things, and are easily lost.  Be men of honor.

My advice – step up and lead.  I realize that some of your brothers have an issue with this policy.  But if this issue didn’t exist there would be another one.  True leaders will learn to overcome these issues and inspire their fraternity to greatness.  You can still have great social, athletic, academic, philanthropic and brotherhood programs with an alcohol free house.  Focus on making those areas even better.  If you do, the brothers will not be as bothered by this issue and the protests will quickly go away.

This question was submitted by one of our readers. If you have a question you want me to answer go here to submit it: Fraternity Advice.

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Question:

How can a fraternity attract more girls to our registers and mixers?

This is a great question.  Chapter 4 in my book, The Fraternity Leader, is titled How to Become Popular with Sororities.  In the book – I go into great detail about three rules to solve this problem.  Here is the quick version:

Rule 1: You have to build relationships with individuals first.  The stronger the relationships your individual brothers have with individual sisters, the stronger the bond there will be between organizations.  The book describes how to develop those individual relationships with sisters.

Rule 2: Develop relationships as organizations.  Your goal is to become close to the sorority.  To accomplish that goal, you must focus on what is in it for them.  This means that you have to be prepared to give your time and energy to support their programs and initiatives.  If you are prepared to give, then you will receive.  Trust me.

Rule 3: You have to be a gentleman.  I give 20 rules on how to be a fraternity gentleman in the book.  Follow these rules and your brothers will have pride in themselves and their fraternity.  Women will notice, and will be attracted to your brotherhood.

One of the most important rules is to not forget the small details.  Small details matter and show that you genuinely care about someone.  Some examples are remembering to send thank you notes and remembering their founder’s day.  Another example is remembering the details of conversations you have with sisters.  If you can remember the small things, the sorority sisters will be impressed with you and your fraternity.

Again, that is the quick version of the three rules.   For the complete answer on how to make your fraternity popular with sororities – check out my book The Fraternity Leader.

This question was submitted by one of our readers. If you have a question you want me to answer go here to submit it: Fraternity Advice.

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Question:

What do we need to do to get sororities to like our fraternity? I just joined and we have already had some guys make a bad impression with them.

Getting sororities to like your chapter and brothers may seem difficult at first glance, but it doesn’t have to be at all. Sororities don’t generally like chapters made up of guys who are crude, sexist, or just plain jerk-offs, or who are just plain disgusting. Unfortunately, our chapters do occasionally have jerks, but they don’t have to be reflective of the entire group.

A couple of suggestions on improving relations and standing with sororities:

Be clean. Have a clean place to have parties and a CLEAN bathroom. Wear clean clothes. Bathe on a regular basis. Fraternities (and our members) have a reputation for being gross and not well kept. Try not to encourage the stereotype – it will go a long way.

Respect women. I think this is a big one. If you treat women as objects or anything less than a person, it won’t endear you to any sororities- you’ll be known as the “sexist asshole fraternity”. Think about how you’d want another fraternity to treat your girlfriend or sister.

Avoid sexist rush shirts and sexist themed parties – and despite the fact that the women may not say anything about it being crude or offensive, it doesn’t mean they’re ok with it.

Find all of the founder’s days for the sororities on your campus or find out when the chapter’s initiation day is – buy a card and flowers for either occasion, and have your entire chapter or specific brothers present the card and flowers.

The bottom line is that you don’t want your chapter to be known as the asshole chapter who are the sexual predators/rapists or the one known for a dirty house. Sororities talk, they know which chapters they prefer to hang out with, and I’m pretty certain that the dirty, sexist ones are not in their top five. It isn’t rocket science.

On a final note, with regard to when brothers make a bad impression, it might be worthwhile to invest in having a social skills or dressing to impress workshop hosted by a sorority or such. I’ve seen that work very effectively.

Good Luck!

This question was submitted by one of our readers. If you have a question you want me to answer go here to submit it: Fraternity Advice.

– This was written by Ben Ring, an alumni brother from Alpha Epsilon Pi and contributor for the thefraternityadvisor.com. If you are interested in writing for thefraternityadvisor.com – let us know (CLICK HERE)!

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Question:

Our fraternity house is often busted by campus pd so we can’t use it for parties any more. How can we find an affordable new party spot?

Answer:

If your house is getting busted by campus police that means you’re doing something that you shouldn’t be doing. You’re a fraternity house, not a bar or dance club. Your chapter lives and operates at the house. Your mission, standards, and values mention nothing about great keg parties and epic games of beer pong.

For lack of a better phrase, what the heck are you guys doing? Are you in such dire straights that you feel you need to be the “party fraternity” in order to keep up membership? Is your leadership in such disarray that no one wants to act like a fraternity instead of a bunch of “frat guys”? I won’t even start to ask if you’re planning on using chapter money to fund this place. Party houses serve underage drinkers. Party houses over serve young women and can lead to sexual improprieties. Party houses cause problems that the actual police, not campus police, deal with. Trust me, municipal officers are not near as friendly.

Here’s my real advice: Don’t find a new party place. Clean up your house. Hire a cleaning service for a day and rent some carpet cleaning equipment. Better yet, do the cleaning yourselves to build some chapter unity.

Involve your new guys and turn that house inside out. Then throw a “House Re-opening” party, without the usual drinks and debauchery, to show everyone that you guys actually have your act together. Instead of going week to week trying to out-party people, you’ll have turned the house into something incredible that people will continue to talk about.

Think about how the campus police will be off your back once you make a POSITIVE impression. You’ll be the fraternity that doesn’t get stereotyped for getting girls drunk and being a bunch of “frat-tastic” slackers.  If your membership whines, tell them to get over it or get out. Parties can happen anywhere with anyone. It takes special people to build a fraternity and turn a house into a great place to have a better college experience than the average student.

This answer was written by Joe Russo, an alumni brother from Phi Delta Theta and new contributor for the thefraternityadvisor.com. If you are interested in writing for thefraternityadvisor.com – let us know (CLICK HERE)!

Joe Russo is a Brother in the Bond of Phi Delta Theta’s Ohio Mu chapter at Ashland University. While an undergraduate, Joe served in multiple chapter positions, including chapter president, and was a Phi Delta Theta Peer Mentor. He currently serves as a Chapter Advisor for Phi Delta Theta’s Ohio Kappa chapter at Bowling Green State University. Joe works for American Campus Communities, a student housing company, in Toledo, Ohio.

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Question:

Do you have any tips/advice/suggestions about hosting successful fraternity parties? We just had a Rave, and the music was great and the lighting was sweet, but for some reason people would wander in and then wander out 10 minutes later.

Great question. My fraternity had this exact problem and we did not know how to solve it.

After a few frustrating parties, a few of us actually sat back and examined what was happening. What we found out was enlightening, and would ensure we never threw a crappy party again. We named our discovery The Base Theory.

So what is The Base Theory?

Quite simply it means that the party will never grow the way it should without a solid base.

What we noticed when we observed our own party is that a ton of people would show up to our parties, but they would be spread out over four or five hours. No one stayed long because there were never that many people there at one time. They assumed the party sucked because there weren’t many people there. Because of this, the party never had a chance to grow.

We realized our problem wasn’t getting people to show up, it was getting people to stay.

That is where The Base Theory was born.

To solve this problem, we had made sure every fraternity brother, their girlfriends and our closest friends were at the house early and they stayed.

As a result, when our first guests showed up, there were 100 or so people at the party already. This number quickly escalated from there because no one left.

It sounds like your fraternity is having the same issue. Focus more on building the base then the actual event. If you follow The Base Theory, then every fraternity party you have will be a success.

If you have a question you want me to answer go here to submit it: Fraternity Advice.

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3 – Always stay classy. I know your fraternity brothers want the theme of the mixer to be a lingerie party or a bikini party. I hate to break it to you, but that isn’t going to happen. It is extremely tacky to suggest this as a theme, and will definitely put off the sorority. Always, always stay classy if you want to build a real relationship with the sorority.

4 – Don’t stress over selecting a theme. There are a bunch of themes that will work great with equal success. The one key to the theme of the mixer is there needs to be an active component to the event. The sisters and brothers have to do something together. For example, hold a joint philanthropy or go to a football game together. This will promote interaction and will make the event less awkward.

5 – Clean the house. If you are having the event at the fraternity house – clean it. When you think it is clean, clean it again because it is probably still nasty. Especially clean the bathrooms that your guests will be using. This is all about making a good impression and making your guests feel welcome.

6 – Be presentable. Shower. Shave. Comb your hair. Press your shirt. Stick your chest out and be proud. You are a fraternity man, one of the most elite on campus. Act like it.

7 – Make a T-shirt. This is a smart marketing move if done right. Make an awesome T-shirt that both the sorority sisters and fraternity brothers will like to wear. And when they wear it on campus, people will see that your fraternity has a relationship with the sorority. And that is a good thing.

8 – Take and post pictures on your fraternity website. Again, you want to get as much mileage out of the fraternity mixer as possible. During your next rush, you want to show your rushees how awesome the mixer was instead of just telling them. Also, this will encourage the sorority sisters to visit your fraternity’s website and learn more about your fraternity. Of course, always stay classy when posting pictures. Be smart and respectful.

9 – Make your requests wayyyyyyy in advance. Sorority calendars fill up fast. You will get left out in the cold unless you schedule months ahead.

10 – Have an exit plan. You don’t want to drag an event out forever. If you do, the last thought the sorority will have is that the fraternity mixer never ended and they couldn’t wait to get out of there. That isn’t good. Also, as always, be sure to have a DD plan in place.

11 – Say thank you. Send a hand-written thank you for the mixer. This is a courtesy that will be appreciated.

I want to give a special thanks to Rebecca, a sister of Alpha Delta Pi at Virginia Tech, for helping me on this article.

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Pool Party

Start by reserving a pool at a local apartment complex. Then all you need is food to grill and a cooler for refreshments. This is guaranteed to be a great time.

Community Service Mixer

Your fraternity should do community service events.  But it would be more fun if you did them as a joint event with a sorority. This really applies to all types of service events. By killing two birds with one stone you ensure a better turnout and everyone having a good time.

Dress-up Themed Mixers

The basic premise here it to have a closed event at a rented out establishment or at the fraternity house. However, there needs to a theme to the mixer or the sorority will think the event is lame and unoriginal. Because of that, you just need to add a dress code to the event. Again, the possibilities are endless. You can be cops and robbers, cowboys and Indians, dress from the 70s, black or white or even have a toga party. Remember to keep the sorority in mind when you are in the planning stages of the event. While the fraternity may think an underwear or lingerie party is a great idea, the sorority might not…

Casino Night

This is another easy one. Issue everyone a set number of chips at the beginning of the night. Have several table games set up and let everyone play. Be sure to let everyone know that they can be cashed in at the end of the night for prizes. The more creative the fraternity can be with the prizes the better the event will be. Sure there can be prices that people want like a digital camera or iPad. However, it is better to have prizes such as members of the fraternity/sorority wash your car or one date with a brother/sister of your choice. This could be a lot of fun with a little creativity.

If you have any great fraternity and sorority mixer ideas add them to the comments section below.

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How do you plan a Major Fraternity Anniversary?

Answer:

To be honest, I don’t have much experience in this area. There are a few things I would concentrate on though.

First, regardless of the type of event you are going to have, you need to plan it far in advance. Alumni have different priorities than undergrads, so give them time to fit the fraternity event into their schedule.

Second, you need to make sure the event is catered to the alumni if you expect them to attend. Remember that their wives may not understand the connection to the fraternity and may not be eager to attend the event. Also, be sure you make hotel arraignments easy, close and affordable for the alumni.

Third, you need to make sure that there are a few alumni involved in the planning of the event. If they are excited about the event, then chances are they will get the other alumni excited as well. This is essential for a good turnout.

Fourth, make it a point to try to celebrate brothers from all eras. I would put together a slide show and have it continually running in the background with hundreds of pictures that span the life of the fraternity. Ask the alumni brothers for pictures to include in this presentation.

Finally, keep the costs reasonable. A $100 a plate dinner won’t appeal to a lot of alumni, especially when you factor in the driving/hotel costs of the weekend. Remember that the celebration is about the brotherhood, and it really isn’t necessary to spend a lot of money.

Thanks for the question. If anyone has insight that could help, please leave a comment below.

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Fraternities are in love with huge events.  They think that inviting everyone and their brother to a huge event is the way to build a strong fraternity.  There is a better way!

For a fraternity become strong, they must focus on having strong brotherhood events.

A brotherhood event is a loosely defined term for a brotherhood get-together.  And these are the times that will build brotherhood.

Brotherhood events can be very simple.  It is a great idea to send out an email to the brotherhood with dinner plans.  If a few brothers decide to go to the movies, why not invite all the brothers?  If a few brothers go to the gym to play hoops, again – why not invite all brothers?

You can also kill two birds with one stone with brotherhood events.  Think about how awesome it would be if the entire fraternity decided to make an intramural event a brotherhood event.  Why not combine a new member night or the chapter meeting with a brotherhood event?

You can also get more elaborate with brotherhood events.  Every chapter should invite the head basketball or football coach to come speak to the fraternity about leadership once a year.  Also, don’t forget that attending the big games as a fraternity is a lot more fun than as individuals.

The key to a brotherhood event is obviously building the brotherhood.  If you plan on doing something fun, then invite the rest of the fraternity to join you.  This will create the experiences and memories which is the difference between good fraternities and great ones.

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