This great idea will cause some type of departure from normal chapter operations.  This change will seem dramatic to some brothers.

This handful of brothers will be vocal in their opposition to the idea.  Before you know it they will have persuaded the entire brotherhood to shoot it down. 

The fraternity then resorts to the old, stagnant ways of doing business and the excited brother is dejected.

I know this has happened at one of your meetings because that scene plays out in chapter houses everywhere.  I want to tell you a secret though – it doesn’t have to be this way.

You should never, ever present a major idea or change at a meeting unless you know if it will be accepted with near certainty.

To make sure the meeting will go your way, you need to do the legwork before the meeting.  You need to present your idea to brothers in individual conversations.  You need to get their buy in during these one on one conversations.

The brothers will have suggestions, and be sure to incorporate them into your original idea.  The more input you get an incorporate, the more your idea becomes theirs.

And most importantly, be sure to ask the brothers the question if they will support the idea in the fraternity meeting.

If you do this legwork, you will know with near certainty that your idea will be approved by the brotherhood.   You will get what you want, and hopefully your fraternity will improve as a result.

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Question:

My fraternity is struggling financially, we can’t get more than half the brothers to actually come to chapter, and our house is falling apart to the point where it is almost unlivable and to top it off our alumni are completely useless. Our chapter is on the brink of collapse and I have no idea what to do about it, any thoughts?

This is a huge and complicated question.   I’ll do my best to give you a quick answer.

First, remember that adversity builds character.  Dedicated individuals can overcome enormous obstacles.  Here are 10 quick things I would to do if I were in your shoes.  If any readers out there have any other tips, please add them in the comments below.

1 – Plan something that the brotherhood will look forward to.  If your fraternity doesn’t have something to look forward to, it will become stagnant and your brothers will become complacent.

2 – Realize that the best way to improve is by getting a little better each day.  In order to start, you have to step up as a leader and show the way.  You say the house is a dump.  Go over and do a little bit each day to improve it.  Try to get other brothers to join you.  I promise brothers will see your example, and they will end up helping.  Someone has to take the lead though.

3 – Eliminate all the crap the brotherhood hates and spend your time and effort focusing on the stuff the brotherhood likes.

4 – Cut the dead wood.  If you have brothers who are dragging the fraternity down for whatever reason, have a heart to heart talk about whether they really want to be a brother.  If they can’t meet expectations, get rid of them fast.

5 – Have a fundraiser.  I have written a bunch of articles on fraternity fundraisers.  I suggest having a raffle for a quick and easy cash infusion for your chapter.

6 – Make it a point to hang out together.  Strong brotherhoods eat together , study together and work out together.  By the sounds of your situation, that isn’t happening in your fraternity.

7 – Make your meeting worth coming to.  I’d bet a buck that your meetings are either information sessions or bitch sessions.  Both aren’t very productive ways for brothers to spend their time.  I’d probably skip them too.  Eliminate unnecessary meetings that only serve as a time suck.

8 – Reach out to alumni for advice.  This is done by calling them on the phone and asking direct questions.  If you can form relationships with a few alumni, more and more will start showing interest in the chapter.  Also, don’t neglect alumni from other chapters that might be in your local area.  They can help as well.

9 – Talk openly with your Greek Life Director and Nationals Staff on how to improve the fraternity.  Both have a vested interest in your success.

10 -Finally, get a copy of my book The Fraternity Leader.  It describes step by step how you should run your fraternity.  Share it with your other motivated brothers.    If you follow the advice in my book, you will save your chapter.

I know this is a quick list, but it is a good start.  I also know your situation is pretty daunting.  Realize though that you have a tremendous opportunity.   Someday you can look back with pride because you will be the one who saved your fraternity.  That will be a memory and accomplishment that no one will be able to take away from you.

This question was submitted by one of our readers. If you have a question you want me to answer go here to submit it: Fraternity Advice.

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Question:

I am a new advisor to a national fraternity! The guys are great, but could be a bit more brotherly. Do you have any brotherhood retreat ideas?

Welcome to the world of being an advisor! It brings with it many challenges, but I know has reminded me and reaffirmed for me all of the reasons why my fraternity experience was so valuable.

Being more brotherly is such an abstract problem that does not have the same formulaic approach to fixing as say recruitment or even new-member education. There are so many little things that go into creating strong, lasting bonds between brothers that I could write for days. Still, I will soldier on to see what we can do to help you in your situation.

I am a big believer in the power of the chapter house. It should always be at capacity and it should be buzzing with activity. This is a huge challenge as it places a financial burden on many and in the case of my fraternity, we did not allow alcohol on our property.

However it can work with your group, try to find a way to incentivize or maybe even require members to live in the house. We had a requirement and it was only needed a few times. We have looked at a dues incentive, a residency requirement for certain positions, and programming just for in house brothers.

Sometimes, directly tackling the problem can work well. We used team games and activities to challenge brothers to compete and cooperate with one another on something other than recruitment and socials. Bonds can be formed through problem solving and flag football all the same.

One other activity was a twist on a mediation circle where brothers took turns reflecting on certain key issues in the chapter and provided a safe forum to share their views without fear of consequences. As long as everyone respected the guidelines (no interrupting, judging, etc), this process allows your men to let their guard down and allow those brotherly bonds to form.

I also believe that how a chapter approaches their ritual reflects how they approach one another. If ritual is performed with no intent, with no purpose and no energy, how do you think your men will act towards one another?

To me, chapter attendance and meeting efficiency also relate to ritual. More directly, ritual practices are supposed to be symbolic of the values of the fraternity and the reflection of those who created it. Ritual is supposed to be held in high regard. If your members treat ritual as just something they have to do, then that is how they will approach one another.

There is no quick fix for this. It is a longer road than many in our current generation would like. Creating stronger brotherly connections will take some time, but if you allow those growing pains to be worked through and those hurdles to be cleared, you’ll find your membership will be better for it.

This question was submitted by one of our readers. If you have a question you want me to answer go here to submit it: Fraternity Advice.

This answer was written by Joe Russo, an alumni brother from Phi Delta Theta and contributor for the thefraternityadvisor.com. If you are interested in writing for thefraternityadvisor.com – let us know (CLICK HERE)!

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Question:

I just started my second year of school. Last winter i had gone through pledging, and got initiated into an IFC fraternity during spring term. At a party there was an alleged rape, that the guy was eventually acquitted of. This gave our campus a red flag in which they did an investigation.

We were disaffiliated, and are now unrecognized by both nationals and campus based on excessive alcohol charges. All of these chargers were brought the day after my pledge class had gotten initiated. Leaving the Greek system is not an option for me. Transferring schools is highly unlikely. What options do i have to stay in the IFC Greek system?

I hate to say it, but you do not have a choice in this case of leaving or staying in the Greek system on your campus.  You chapter essentially does not exist, but you signed a bid, were initiated into a chapter when it was active, and now unfortunately have nowhere to go. There are few fraternities that will initiate a person who has already been initiated into another fraternity. I know this is not the news that you wanted to hear, but it is the truth.

I want to clear a couple of things up as well. In less than a year, your chapter racked up enough alcohol charges to be dissolved on even a national scale? If this is true, how did you not see this as part of the culture of the fraternity? My guess is that your fraternity was well known for these types of behaviors  and would make any other chapter uneasy about initiating a former member, regardless of your own personal credibility.

That’s enough of the things that you cannot do. Time to go positive. What you can do is seek out your campus’s Greek Life director, or another appropriate official, to see what your options are. You may be surprised at how ready and willing those folks can be to put your passion for Greek Life to use. Your experience, though not an all positive one, could be a great perspective in a Greek Life office for how chapters can work to avoid the same circumstance that led to your chapter’s demise.

Have you explored creating a group of your own? Even a local fraternity could be an option for you. Maybe you have enough folks that are searching for the right fraternal fit and you can provide that? There’s also the option of creating a student group, not a dedicated Greek chapter, with a focus on service, academics, integrity, and creating better men. Vanguard, which exist on many college campuses today, is a perfect example. This group looks for ways to educate college men, Greek and non-Greek alike, on what it means to be a well-rounded college man.  Creating or becoming active in a group like this is another way to use your drive and passion in a different way than with your now defunct fraternity.

Lastly, do not become anti-Greek because of your experience. Your chapter, hopefully through no fault of your own, made some bad decision and no longer exists. You are searching for a Greek home or a way to use your talents. That does not mean that you should be the guy that goes around campus slamming every Fraternity around out of angst. That will not make you any friends in the Greek system or advocates on campus. It will also do nothing to make you feel better about what has happened. You’ll find the right fit. Be patient and keep positive.

This question was submitted by one of our readers. If you have a question you want me to answer go here to submit it: Fraternity Advice.

This answer was written by Joe Russo, an alumni brother from Phi Delta Theta and contributor for the thefraternityadvisor.com. If you are interested in writing for thefraternityadvisor.com – let us know (CLICK HERE)!

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Question:

I have done a lot for my fraternity since my freshman year. I have held several positions, including executive currently. I am respected for my work amongst our nationals, but the chapter sees me as an outsider, or a goody-two shoes, who is there just for a resume boost. I love my fraternity, but I don’t know how to express that to them without listing my achievements and sounding arrogant? What should I do?

First, let’s talk about love.

Let’s say you were married. You love your wife with all your heart. You work 18 hour days six days a week to provide what is best for her. Do you think, from her perspective, she’s going to feel your love for her when she’s checking the account balance, or is she busy using your card to pay for lunch with the guy she’s cheating with?

I appreciate your passion. I understand your hard work is motivated by love, but it is not actually an expression of that emotion. It is a product of it. It is theoretically possible to have other motivations that lead to hard work.

You may have put in a lot of hard work achieving great things, and done every bit of it out of love for the fraternity, but, just like the wife in my example, not everyone can see that.

I don’t normally (as in never) throw around bible verses, but there is one I think speaks directly to this. Give it a quick listen and think about what it means to you: http://www.biblegateway.com/audio/voice/niv/1cor.13

So, if you put aside the work you’ve done, how would you say that you’ve expressed your love for your brothers and your fraternity? They apparently don’t see that. They at least in part question your motives – they think you have selfish motives. They don’t fully trust you because of it. If you want to have a good marriage, friendships, professional relationships, and well adjusted life beyond college then you need to find your personal leadership style on this question.

Second, let’s talk about your relationship with your nationals, the “goody-two-shoes” perception you think your brothers have of you, and your chapter’s relationship with nationals.

I was just reading a business article today about four things you should never tell your Human Resources Department (http://moneywatch.bnet.com/career-advice/blog/on-job/4-things-you-should-never-share-with-hr/1170/?tag=content;col1). Some of it is applicable here.

The article says is HR is a critically important piece of the company team. They can help you succeed, avoid lawsuits, and provide important advice. BUT, they are not your best friend. There is no doctor-patient privilege. They exist only to help the company get ahead and protect its larger interests. If you find yourself counter to those interests, then try to lay flat as the bus rolls over the top of you. I hear it doesn’t hurt as much that way.

Your nationals is in a difficult legal position. The success of your chapter and members is their success too. But, they spend all day every day putting out fires of the most recent bad news. When they hear about a problem, they are legally obligated to forcefully intervene. If they don’t and something happens even years later, then you they are going to be destroyed in court. I’ve 15 year old prior allegations pulled out – stuff that that was unproven when current chapter members were 3-7 years old – and that still matters.

So your nationals likes you. Okay, that’s nice. What do they think about your chapter?

Let me be absolutely clear here. I am NOT telling you to lie to or mislead your nationals!

To quote the CBS article, “The key is to be mindful: “You need to be sure you are communicating what you want your management to know,” says Clinical Professor of Management John Millikin, Ph.D. of the W.P. Carey School of Business.”

That quote is even a little more deceitful than I would want to say it. I would say, every time you talk to nationals it is part of a PR campaign. You want them thinking your chapter, not you, is a necessary part of the team. When bad things happen, you want their automatic reaction to be fighting to save the chapter, not thinking about putting a problem group on the shelf. There is a way in the course of that positive focus to share bad news and work through problems together. Married couples do it all the time. But, you have to keep the relationship optimistic.

I’m worried that you’re out there making your nationals love you personally at the cost of your chapter’s reputation. That’s selfish, and that is not love.

There are rare occasions when it is necessary to stand with your nationals against your own chapter. You have to know when that happens that you are going to lose friends for life and the fraternity is going to lose members. The issue needs to be that important. If you have to go down that road, then have the fortitude to stick it out and don’t complain about the sacrifice you’ve chosen to make.

If it doesn’t rise to that level, then incremental change from within is the best course. Help your chapter decide for itself what and how they will improve, and be a part of that team.

We talk a lot about servant leadership in the military, and in fraternities too. Think about that concept for a while are you part of your chapter’s team, or are you forcing things on them from the outside and then wondering why they don’t love you for it? I don’t know that answer. I don’t know if you or your chapter does either, but I hope you’ll think about it.

This question was submitted by one of our readers. If you have a question you want me to answer go here to submit it: Fraternity Advice.

– This answer was written by Dennis Nall, an alumni brother from Alpha Tau Omega and contributor for the thefraternityadvisor.com. If you are interested in writing for thefraternityadvisor.com – let us know (CLICK HERE)!

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I know many fraternities that have already unraveled the secret of the point system and positive encouragement. The past leadership of many fraternities get into a mode of scorning those members who persistently do not show up to events. Members begin to feel apathetic because they were being treated like two year olds. No one likes the “come to this event or you go to timeout” kind of thing.

As soon as I became fraternity president I told my officers that we would no longer be scorning those that didn’t show up to events. I did not like the idea of fines, and let’s be honest, telling people to show up to something doesn’t make them have fun.

From that moment we began working on a point system that encompassed every event in the Greek community, and even some outside it. There is a certain number of points that members have to earn, those are called critical points. Events, such as rush, are rated on a much higher point scale than a social event.

At the end of the semester each member, if they attended every event possible, the brother will earn 30 dollars credit towards their next semester’s dues. If they did not attend enough they will have to pay a small amount.

This encourages brothers because the focus is on the points. We have contests, which also help, and during formal we announce a most active brother based on highest points earned. The goal is to always stay positive.

Elect a fraternity president that has a positive look on life. I am in no way organized, but my men look up to me and I respect them in return. I would say that is a sure sign of a fraternity leader.

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Question:

I am the president of my fraternity. I just got an email from our formal chairman saying that he has to step down from his position because of ‘health issues’ I am not questioning his health concerns, but from his email it seems like he realizes he has not done anything to plan for formal and realizes he has a huge work load ahead of him.

Also, I have recently received an email from our fundraising chair saying that his job this semester is going to be more involved than he thought and he does not know if he can juggle all his responsibilities.

How do you recommend dealing with scenarios like this?

Having two guys quit right before the semester starts definitely raises a red flag about your fraternity. There may be deeper issues that you need to address about the health of your chapter.

With this immediate situation though – do not beg these two brothers to keep their positions. If you do, they will give a half-hearted effort and the fraternity will suffer as a result. Find replacements who are eager and motivated to fill these roles.

For the two new guys, as well as the rest of the committee heads, there is a simple leadership formula to follow.

First, be sure to give them clear expectations of their position. The social chair should know how many parties/mixers/formals/brotherhood events that should be planned. The fundraising chair should know how much money he is expected to raise. The philanthropy chair needs to know how many community service hours are expected. The athletic chair should know what sports that the fraternity wants to field a team in. Ect..

The point is everyone in a fraternity leadership role should know the expectations of the brotherhood. If these brothers know the expectations, they will know what success looks like and will know how much of a time commitment is needed to get there. It also gives them a goal to strive for.

However, just letting the brother know the expectations of the fraternity isn’t enough. You need to give him the support he needs to achieve the fraternity’s goals.

Be sure to give the chairman an actual committee if it is warranted. Some committees require a ton of work. If you are expecting one brother to do everything, then you are not going to be successful.

As fraternity president, your role is to get these chairmen and their committees everything they need to be successful. You need to be able to remove any road blocks that stand in their way.

Finally, be sure to give public praise to the committees who are doing a good job in your fraternity. People who give their all to the brotherhood need to be recognized and appreciated.

You will not have brothers quitting if you can set clear objectives, provide all the support they need and then follow up with praise. Furthermore, you will be following a very clear formula that ALL successful leaders follow. This will maximize the potential of your fraternity.

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First, you are cheating the brother who just got initiated. When they are initiated, they are expecting to be full-fledged brothers in the fraternity. You are cheating them if you don’t do this properly.

Second, inevitably the chapter’s deceit will catch up to them. What happens when a brother who was illegally initiated becomes president? What happens when a brother who was illegally initiated tries to attend a national convention? What happens when an illegally initiated brother gets in trouble? In any of those situations and many more, the national headquarters will become aware that the chapter is illegally initiating brothers and will have to suffer the consequence.

Third, you are hurting your own fraternity. Your national headquarters is expecting that revenue to pay for services that they provide for your entire fraternity. This pays for the professional staff, and all the programs the fraternity runs. In essence, by illegally initiating brothers, you are hurting yourself.

Fourth, if the brother is illegally initiated, chances are the fraternity will never know he existed. My fraternity illegally initiated Mark Cuban, owner of the Dallas Mavericks, when he was an undergrad a Pitt. It was years before the national headquarters realized that he was actually a brother. That would have been a terrible loss to our fraternity’s history if we never knew about one of our most accomplished brothers.

I know there are chapters out there are strapped for cash. However, don’t illegally initiate brothers to try to make up the short-fall. You may have a short term gain of a few bucks, but I promise you that the long term impacts far outweigh this benefit.

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Deploying is a very interesting experience. The temperature is dreadfully hot. The living conditions aren’t great. You are always dirty because of the sand that more closely resembles powder. You end up working 12 hours a day, 7 days a week. And there are people shooting at you…

That being said, deploying is about the closest experience to being in a fraternity since I graduated from college. You eat, sleep and work with what becomes your closest friends. A camaraderie develops that is only matched in a fraternity house.

There are, or course, many differences between the experiences. One glaring difference is you appreciate things more when you are deployed.

The fact is there really isn’t much to do on a deployed base. And the things that you can do you have already done a hundred times. But because you are so limited with your options, you seem to really appreciate the little things in life. This is especially true with your friendships.

Remember this as you go through your fraternity experience. Appreciate your friendships with your brothers now, because most of them will drift away after graduation.

Take advantage of everything being in college has to offer. Never accept being bored. Get out there and make a difference. Live it up and have the time of your life.

And next time you are in an airport and see a soldier in uniform, take a second and shake his hand. Thank him for keeping us safe, and let him know that you appreciate his sacrifice.

I have been that soldier before, and I will tell you it will mean more to him than you’ll ever know.

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Question:

I am currently the fraternity president. At the moment the fraternity seems to be ripping itself apart. We are the smallest we have ever been and we have some very strong personalities in the fraternity who think they are right and everyone else is wrong.

People are fighting over stupid things and have turned many forms of communication we use as a chapter into a way to fight with each other. What should I do?

Answer:

This is such a broad question that it is very difficult to give a complete answer. I’d be able to provide a more complete answer by discussing this one on one. If you or anyone else in this situation wants to discuss it privately, use the contact us tab to send me an email.

That being said, there are three things that I can recommend that I know will help you.

First off, you need to be sure your brotherhood agrees on what your fraternity is all about. You will have big problems if some brothers think you are about developing leadership, while others think you are all about partying, and others think it is all about community service.

As president, you need to have candid conversations both one on one and in group settings about what each brother is looking for in the fraternity. You cannot possibly lead an effective fraternity unless you know what your brotherhood is looking all about…

Next, after your brotherhood agrees on what your fraternity is all about, you need to remove the brothers who don’t agree with this new vision.

This will be difficult, especially for a fraternity that has low numbers. I promise you that a brotherhood that is in complete agreement with the mission of the fraternity will grow stronger and faster than one that doesn’t have that unity.

Finally, you need to make sure the brotherhood always has something they are looking forward to.

Your fraternity will become very stagnant if the brothers are never enthused about the next event or the next program. There always needs to be something that motivates the brothers and has them excited about the future.

I hope this helps. If anyone else has any ideas you’d like to add, please use the comment section below.

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